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Wedding Woes

"I messed up and I'm asking you if there's any way I can fix it."

Dear Prudence, 

I wasn’t the best parent for my older two children. They were a product of an abusive marriage. I left, was in a string of bad relationships, and they grew up in poverty. I finally got a good therapist, moved states, and remarried. Having a baby with my partner has strained the relationship further with my 20-something-year-old kids. I feel tremendous guilt that they didn’t get the stable, healthy parents and financial security their half sister has. I’m sure it’s hard for them too and their anger is valid. Is there anything I can do to repair the relationship with my older kids?

—New Life, Tons of Regrets

Re: "I messed up and I'm asking you if there's any way I can fix it."

  • This could be time for a letter, where LW takes ownership, shows the steps they have taken to try to and be a better parent, and then leave it open ended for her kids to respond to when they're ready. And then just continue to be a better parent. Those wounds may heal, or they may be unable to move past a turbulent childhood. 


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  • Have you apologized and acknowledged your failures? 

    I don't just mean acknowledged that you were in abusive and bad relationships and therefore poor. Have you truly acknowledged your own mistakes to them? 
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