Dear Prudence,
How do you deal with a manipulative parent? Recently, I set parameters for my mother’s upcoming visit. After spending a week with her being completely manipulated (somewhat willingly as I wanted to see her happy), I decided to set the parameters of her next visit before she spent time in my home. She’s always been manipulative, but her stroke has made it nearly impossible to handle. Because of her health, I insisted we enjoy each other’s company at home and not go for outings in the heat or with prolonged walking. After firing off the predictable insults and insinuations, like: “You just want to keep me prisoner” or “Why are you punishing me?” she’s now decided she won’t bother visiting at all. My days with her are limited. I want to enjoy them for what they are as much as possible. But she’s no longer as spry as she thinks, and I refuse to be bulldozed into seeing her have another fall, a heat stroke, or worse. Is there a better way of mitigating an old manipulator than simply putting my foot down for the sake of her safety?
—Manhandled by the Mominator