A close friend of mine I met in college is getting married soon. We have known each other for almost 20 years. Since college we have lived in different areas of the country, but we have made efforts to hang out 1-2 times per year. He was a groomsman in my wife and I's wedding about eight years ago.
He is the last one of our friends to get married, so when I saw on his wedding website there was no wedding party tab I assumed they were not having one, maybe thinking they were ditching some of the traditional aspects of a wedding and they just wanted to get married. I was invited to the bachelor party, which I typically do not attend any longer as I have been sober for over four years and these types of events just generally don't align with my current values. But I had previously confided in my friend who is getting married and two other friends who would be there there about my struggles with alcohol and they were so supportive and encouraging so i felt comfortable and confident going to it. The bachelor party was in Mexico, and it was a big deal for me to be away from my young family with three small kids for multiple nights. But I knew I would want to attend this one, as this was a close friend.
When I was there, I discovered there was in fact a wedding party, and two close mutual friends (who were also groomsmen in my wedding) were in it. My friend has a big group of friends from home so i at first shrugged it off as something that I just didn't quite "make the cut," which sucked but at the time understandable. Since the bachelor party, I have come to find out that other mutual friends are invited to various pre wedding events (rehearsal dinner, golf, etc.) but I have not been invited to anything. Hearing there were other things that i was not invited to was genuinely shocking to the point I legit thought invitations must have been lost in the mail. A few days ago I was trying to make plans with a few friends I knew would be there and I knew were not in the wedding party, and I was told by one friend he couldnt go to dinner with my wife and I Friday because he was going to the rehearsal dinner. This was kind of the last straw, and I am debating not going at all now.
for a little more context, the wedding is approximately 1,800 miles away in my friend's hometown, would require multiple babysitters at our house overnight with our three kids, and my wife and I would be in a city we have never been to with one other couple we know is not invited to any thing.
Am i being dramatic for wanting to not go? I could understand not being asked to be a groomsmen, but I am genuinely hurt by hearing that other mutual friends are invited to pre-wedding activities but I am not. It has created a feeling that we really wont be missed anyway. Appreciate any honest input!