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Wedding Woes

Tuesday

Re: Tuesday

  • Tuesday is Tuesday-ing.  

    I probably got the best sleep I've had in months last night.  My alarm went off at 6am and it took me quite a few seconds to realize what was going on because I slept so hard.  I got up to make sure DefConn was moving around and my stomach was immediately off.  So instead of going back to bed, I was dealing with that.  I'm sure it's PMS-related, but exacerbated by stress.  Ugh.  

    I also had a huge issue come up at the end of the day yesterday and it bled into today.  So I hit the ground running with calls and trying to puzzle out that BS since it's stuff I have to cover in my team meeting today.  

    Tonight, SIL and I are going to dinner and a movie with her BFF (as long as my stomach behaves).  

    I knew this week was going to up to no good.  There's a holiday weekend on the horizon.  LOL 
  • Congratulations on the job decisions @Casadena! I'm sure you have made the best decision for you and your family. Also yay for a clean house. I was looking at my shower this morning and realize I need to do some pretty serious grout scrubbing. I don't do that every time I clean the shower but it sure needs it now. I miss the days of having a cleaning person but just can't justify the cost since H has retired and I no longer work either.

    I'm getting my hair done today. I'm tired of the color. It just is too light. I'm naturally very dark but have gone lighter so that gray hair isn't as noticeable but who am I kidding! Also this time, the cut has just grown out of control. I have naturally curly/wavy think hair so it needs control. I'll just talk to my gal and see what she says.

    We are having friends over for dinner tonight. They are headed to their beach house this weekend for a couple of months so we won't see them for a while. H is cooking. I get the table ready. 
  • It's a good day.  Had a teams meeting this morning.

    Throwing this out there, b/c I've never had this issue before and my google wizardry is failing me:  When I'm in a Microsoft teams meeting so the video is up with everyone's faces, if I click outside the window it's in, that window disappears and I CANNOT find it again.  I can still hear everyone and they can still see me.  I basically have to relog into the call.  Anyone have this and know what to do?

    Otherwise, SSDD.  I need to get myself out of the house tonight, I think.
  • Heatwave over here! 98 but feels like 105-110 they say.  I’m staying in.
    oh but no I’m not.  My friend wants to meet for dinner at 5:30. Ugh!

    my shower/grout is the WORST.  Nothing cleans it well.i hear barkeepers friend is better than ajax.  I’ll try that before hiring someone. Aside from showers, dusting is the worst for me.  Why can’t I just move every year? 

  • @VarunaTT, do you have the Teams icon along the bottom of your computer screen (taskbar)?  If so, you can hover over it and bring back the meeting window.  I have pinned it on my taskbar so I don't lose it.  

    Life is pretty good today.  With my re-configured desk setup, the cat has a bed right next to me and is napping there now  <3

    DH had an overnight oxygen monitor last night so I needed to drop that off this morning.  While I was out I stopped for coffee - a treat since I was out anyway.

    I want to get up and running with my Cricut machine this weekend.  I've had it a couple of months but now I have a place to work with it.  I have a few projects in mind.  

    Saturday we'll drive out to pick up flowers from DH's family cemetary plot.  Sunday I'm worship leader and have been asked to do the children's message as the Pastor is gone.  Haven't done that for a long time.  Monday nothing is planned but will put together a list of what we need for the following weekend trip to see my sister.  


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  • Thanks @levioosa it's not the first panic attack he's had at night but he has health issues that can get him worked up so the anxiety feeds on itself.  There's not much I can do but talk to him and know he's got this and I'm there next to him. 
  • @Casadena, I'm excited for you!  I'm glad you have so many positive things happening for you right now.  Especially the new internal job!  I hope trying therapy again works well for you and your H.  Hopefully that with some of the cleaning load taken off your all's shoulders will lead to an even better and more satisfying marriage.

    @CharmedPam, I've been lurking for the last few days.  Excited to see you have a promising new relationship!  I hope things go well and he is deserving of you.

    I have really been having a hard time coping with even the littlest things and I'm not sure why.  I can point to things that are extra frustrating and worrying in my life.  But it still doesn't explain why it takes a massive push of motivation to do anything.  Sometimes even for things I like!  I'm in this toxic and completely illogical cycle where I will worry about something (many somethings), for hours or days.  Instead of just taking 10-60 minutes to knock something off my list.  It's such a relief when I finish something.  But yet even knowing that, I stay in this pattern.

    I've always been like this to an extent.  But it's been much worse the last couple months and I've barely been able to do anything for the last week or so.

    I finally contacted a therapist yesterday.  Ironically, I saw her advertising her practice in a local subreddit.  Reddit (sigh), my favorite source of mindless avoidance.  She replied back to my initial inquiry, but I haven't gotten back to her yet.

    I started thinking about what I want help with.  Self-blame I haven't been living as full a life as I could and should have taken steps to help myself years ago.  Which led to a downward spiral for the night.  Though I did at least feel a little amusement that I had a bad mental health day because I was taking steps to improve my mental health.  

    I appreciate you all for hanging with me for my "Deep Thoughts" post (nod to the old SNL regular skit)!
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  • VarunaTT said:
    It's a good day.  Had a teams meeting this morning.

    Throwing this out there, b/c I've never had this issue before and my google wizardry is failing me:  When I'm in a Microsoft teams meeting so the video is up with everyone's faces, if I click outside the window it's in, that window disappears and I CANNOT find it again.  I can still hear everyone and they can still see me.  I basically have to relog into the call.  Anyone have this and know what to do?

    Otherwise, SSDD.  I need to get myself out of the house tonight, I think.
    OMG!  I had the same thing suddenly happening at my work.  Though glitchy, weird IT stuff happens all the time here.  Some coworkers were having the same problem.  Some weren't.

    At my job, we have our local machine.  Then we have a "remote desktop" you can sign into.  I'm usually in remote because I can't do much on local.  But glitchiness increases exponentially in the remote system.  Teams meetings didn't do that on my local.

    Nobody knew how to totally fix it.  But unfortunately it came up in a meeting because they wanted me to look something up.  I had to admit the issue I'd been having because I wouldn't be able to see their screen anymore while looking for the info they wanted.

    One of the client managers sent me a nice Teams message later that he had the same trouble.  But what worked for him was to have one screen signed into the remote session and then he had his other screen with Teams under "local".  He also included instructions on how to do that.

    That went on for about 8 months.  Then Teams just magically started working again where I could click out, even in a remote session.

    That was a long post to say, "I know exactly what you are talking about.  I don't know how to fix it." Lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • @MNNEBride I just repinned it to the task bar.  I swear I've done that at LEAST 3 times and it just keeps disappearing, both local and remote machines.

    @short+sassy You know what?  I am also working on a virtual remote.  I'll switch over to my local screen for Teams chats and see if that helps.  I've noticed wonky things through the virtual machine before, but I haven't worked in them often.  My last place went to a cloud based system pretty quickly after I got there, so I didn't have to fuss with it too much.  That actually makes a lot of sense, b/c sometimes I hear the message beep go off and can't find a message in Teams...and it will be sitting in the local machine and not remote.  I had purposefully stopped opening Teams local b/c of that.  I'll flip it and see if that works.  IDK what it is about Teams that makes me feel dumb, but maybe it's b/c I have always used it through a remote machine.  Also, we are moving to a cloud based system in about 6 months and I'm very excited about it.  It will be so much faster.
  • @short+sassy Don't beat yourself up! Have you considered whether it could be related to menopause? I figured out I was in peri when I felt like I'd suddenly developed ADHD out of nowhere. 
  • I forgot to say the thing that @MyNameIsNot just brought up, @short+sassy.  I swear, perimenopause is a real goddamn trip to both brain and body.
  • My work laptop keeps randomly switching into Airplane mode, completely unprompted. My luck with work computers is non-existent. I'm on my third one in 2 years. The first one refused to integrate with sound on Teams. I made do with calling in on my phone during meetings which was excessive but whatever. Then the letter E fell off of the keyboard and that was it. This one switches into Airplane mode at random and has terrible connectivity. They gave me a third one but I haven't tried to set it up yet because I feel like it's so much work only for something else to be wrong. 


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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Congrats @Casadena and good luck with counseling!
    Wrapping up summertime odds and ends over here. We’d had some gloriously cool weather last week (I’m ready for fall too @levioosa!) but it’s hot again this week, unfortunately.
  • Congratulations @casadena!! So excited for you! 
  • Thanks, everyone! I'm excited and terribly nervous, lol. 
  • @short+sassy Don't beat yourself up! Have you considered whether it could be related to menopause? I figured out I was in peri when I felt like I'd suddenly developed ADHD out of nowhere. 
    Thank you for the encouraging words.

    It seems like that is a good bet for what has exacerbated the mental health issues I'm feeling.  I've had the same suspicion.  But the issues themselves are years old.  I did reply back to her on my lunch hour.

    But that is a reminder to make an appointment with my OBGYN.  I'm overdue for a pap smear anyway and I would like more info on peri.

    It's funny you mentioned ADHD! I've wondered the same thing.  It's never something I thought of because the only thing I "knew" about it is the old stereotype that hyperactivity is the major sign.  I am about as opposite to that as you can get, lol.  I'm a low energy person.  Even as a young child, I'd quietly sit for hours at a time.  Amusing myself with coloring and puzzles.  Or reading a book, once I was old enough.

    But then something caught my eye about other symptoms, so I looked more into it.  It was an odd experience.  For almost every symptom, I was either far to the "yes" or far to the "no".  Not much in between.  But the "yes" ones were uncanny and not things I've usually heard other people talk about it.  It was like someone was looking into my soul.

    But I was discouraged to read it was hard to diagnose and sounded like a gauntlet of multiple visits with different healthcare professionals.
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  • Okay!  Now I'm looking for some advice about sliding scales for therapists.

    She replied back to my lunch e-mail.  I like the little bit of research I've done on her so far and her responses in our exchange, admittedly limited at this stage.  So I'm ready to try some sessions with her.

    Technically my medical insurance covers therapy sessions.  But it's ALL OOP until I hit $3500 OOP for the year.  Which I never do.  I explained that to her, so I would be paying her OOP

    She told me she has a sliding scale of $50-$90/session.  Hmmm.  I'm assuming they are an hour, but maybe they aren't.

    At any rate, she asked me to choose which rate I am more comfortable with.  I mean, obviously I'd like to pay the cheapest $50/session rate.  WIBTA if I asked for a $50/session?

    I feel like if she lets her self-pay patients choose, then she probably expects the lowest option anyway?

    Just to make myself feel better, I was going to request the $50 rate with an explanation that I would like a weekly session.  Which is true, at least in the beginning.
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  • @short+sassy the way I always look at those is what is comfortable for my budget and if I can pay a bit more, like $10, b/c that's helping out the next person who might only be able to afford the $50 b/c that's already their stretch.  For a weekly, I'd do the $50 myself and as I dropped to less often, try to pay a little more.

    Yes, trying to get diagnosed really with any mental health disorder, is a PITA.  When I went in for my testing, the person who did my intake was like, Oh yeah, no problem.  Then I took the test and the only thing I tested high on was the hyperactivity.  I explained that I had gamed the test and how I did it (which was me using singing and finger tapping to track) and they just couldn't comprehend what I was talking about.  Being an older person, you've developed all these coping skills to deal with it.  Then, when you start getting older, all those coping skills are exhausting to keep up with.  It's why so many people, especially women, are being diagnosed later in life, b/c we high functioning and so there must not be any issue.  Except I'm crying in my office.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @short+sassy DDs counseling is $160 per session. She still goes once a week. (No sliding scale.) It’s OOP until I hit my deductible which is $1250. Then my insurance reimburses 85% per session. So it’s still $160/wk, but by March I’m receiving bimonthly checks for $256 ($128 reimbursed per session).  So not the best but not the worst.  I’m glad you’ve found someone you like, mental health care is so so important.
  • ei34 said:
    @short+sassy DDs counseling is $160 per session. She still goes once a week. (No sliding scale.) It’s OOP until I hit my deductible which is $1250. Then my insurance reimburses 85% per session. So it’s still $160/wk, but by March I’m receiving bimonthly checks for $256 ($128 reimbursed per session).  So not the best but not the worst.  I’m glad you’ve found someone you like, mental health care is so so important.
    Mine is similar; it’s $200/wk I pay OOP until I hit my out of network deductible then they’ll reimburse part. I can also pay out of my HSA which is also just my own money but feels different. 
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2024
    So sorry you’re down @short+sassy, but happy you realize it and are getting help.  I tried the virtual therapy for a bit.  My first one was great (and I think less than $50?) but she went on mat leave and my replacement and I didn’t vibe. I do like in person better.
    and thanks for the good wishes. So far it’s going great and I never felt like this with anyone but exH of course. But they all go well at first so I can’t get too cocky lol. He loves travel and I’m playing with a cruise for us in November if we’re still together.  I was actually looking at ncl going out of NOLA, same itinerary as ours but different ship! But if I get a free code from blue chip for celebrity, I’d obviously go with that lol. 

    Congrats to @Casadena and @charlotte989875 for accepting new jobs and making the switch.  Hoping it’s a great decision for you both

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