If they're paying, it's their say.
Dear Prudence,
I am 18 years old and due to financial circumstances, was forced to (by my parents) withdraw from my dream university. I am now stuck at home and am not happy in the slightest. I have a 16-year-old brother who routinely harasses me, which my parents know about, yet they refuse to do anything because “that’s how younger brothers are.” Instead of reapplying to colleges next year, they are insisting that I do what they want, which is to get my associate’s degree and then transfer, which would take more than two years now. They have no regard for what I want, and I am stuck. We have no family in the area, and all my friends have left to start university. I am not happy here, and won’t be until I can move out. How can I get them to accept that I’m an adult and have my own wants and needs?
—Exhausted Young Adult
Re: If they're paying, it's their say.
My HS into college BF had a PITA time getting the loans he needed because he was on his own financially per his parents but both parents financial records were used when calculating the paperwork. A different friend in college went through similar issues getting the financial aid he needed when he was saying that his mother was not supporting him or in the country but it didn't matter on paper - the colleges looked at the financial records and saw what could or could not be allowed.
I'll have to dig in more as this is is literally less than 4 years ahead for us but I don't think it's as simple as 'just take loans out in your name'.
It also irks me that, parents have to be included as financially responsible parties but can't have access to college records but that is a whole other topic.
edited to add another thought
There's some lack of maturity happening with LW - first they don't realize they're 18 and do not have to ask permission, they can make decisions and act upon them. Next - "Dream College" vs. ROI for degree program vs. debt load. The "Dream College" without a sense of fiduciary responsibility for the cost vs. an Associate's that will produce the same job opportunities. This isn't 30 years ago when you graduated high school, went to college for something you already were likely interested in, got into the profession, paid off your college debt within 10-15 years tops. There is reason to be "team LW's parents" depending on what the field is that LW wants to study, my daughter's experiencing this now with school, the Associates will top her out for income professionally at 1/3 the price of the course pricing for the same core classwork than getting a 4-yr in the same field, the four year simply puts a BS/BA behind her name. The "Dream College" may not be the best place to go for that field of study either! The "Dream College" may also be a great option for a Master's or Doctorate when the time comes but too often students are sold that a BS/BA school is what will cause them to succeed when in reality it's their personal drive that causes them to succeed regardless of what field they pursue.
Would it have happened if I didn’t go to a private school? Maybe, but I doubt it. I got into my grad program, in part because of rec letters from my undergrad faculty. And there is a tangible network & name recognition factor in colleges & universities. Should there be? Of course not but it’s true.
off my soapbox now!
I also loathe the way that the loan process works. I grew up and continue to live in a high COL state. The savings that DH and I squirrel away is after the mortgage and taxes to be here which are much more than say BIL who is an attorney at a private firm in a lower COL state. When the dollar doesn't go as far here as it does in other places and our in-state tuition is more than $7,000 more than the in-state tuition for the comparable university for BIL's state the entire way to process and receive aid isn't fair IMO.
Add to that the cost of college climbing out of control with little being done to squash it. It's infuriating that with the kitchen table issues coming up of inflation the climbing cost of college seems to be met with a rough shoulder shrug as if we just need to accept that we're screwing over the younger generation if they want to succeed.
That said, depending on your major and trajectory the bigger school can be the big deal. IMO, certain careers do not warrant the highest cost private colleges. But if there are networking possibilities that are proven with the college and that can link you to a great job that will also put you in a position to start paying those loans? Yeah, there's a cost to weigh here.