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You may be 'right', but you sound exhausting LW.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 

Something tells me this one will be a new one for you. I am an environmentalist, but when I go to parties, everything is usually plastic or wax. (Plastics are not all recycled, and even then can only be recycled maybe three times max. Wax—oil-based at least—covered things are not recyclable, and the biodegradable wax products have to go into a commercial compost to degrade.) I usually bring lightweight washable plates, bowls, and cutlery, but sometimes I get comments like, “What? Are our plates not good enough?” The thing is, they usually just have on offer very common disposable plates and cutlery, nothing picked specifically for the event. I don’t understand what the problem is. At the very least, I am saving them from buying more plates/bowls/cutlery than they would otherwise, and making a small dent in the amount of cleanup/trash that needs to be dealt with (I take my stuff home to wash). Is there no way that I can maintain my principles of no-waste?

—Disappointed Environmentalist

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Re: You may be 'right', but you sound exhausting LW.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You...show up to a picnic with your own stuff??  

    If you're that pro environment what about other ways to help the hostess??  
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't really see anything wrong with this.  LW is bringing their own stuff, not judging the event or asking for special treatment for themselves for the entire party.  This sounds like when I tell people I'm sober and have brought my own NA stuff to drink and people get all hepped up about MY not drinking alcohol b/c they have their own issues that I don't have a damn thing to do with.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    VarunaTT said:
    I don't really see anything wrong with this.  LW is bringing their own stuff, not judging the event or asking for special treatment for themselves for the entire party.  This sounds like when I tell people I'm sober and have brought my own NA stuff to drink and people get all hepped up about MY not drinking alcohol b/c they have their own issues that I don't have a damn thing to do with.
    Yes, but I don’t think you’re bringing Mitch from MAFS holier than though environmentalist vibes to the shindig. I wouldn’t think twice about someone bringing food or drinks for themselves if they had dietary restrictions or if they wanted to use their own cutlery. I try to plan ahead and have good food options for people if I know they are limited, but LW sounds exhausting with how they couched this letter. 


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I really didn't read this as holier-than-thou.  I mean yeah, the first sentence is dumb, but the rest of it is, this is what I do, this is why, and I don't understand why people are upset.

    It wasn't, I called and demanded the host meet this need for me or I told the host they were destroying the planet while holding onto my bougie bamboo dishes or sniffed at the other guests while reading my chick tract printed on seed paper about how their nacho plate is destroying the planet.  It reads to me as very factual.  I'm also getting older and a lot more direct and I'm learning that I don't have/do subtext very well and this reads to me as no subtext.  Like, I think y'all are snapping to the very judgment this person is trying to deal with.  I think this person is doing what they do, because of their reasons (which they never state they share with the host or anyone, just the context of this letter), and they're confused by the responses.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think what they’re doing is outside the norm (assuming they’re in the US where bringing your own cutlery is not expected) and anything out of the norm is likely to raise some questions. In that case I don’t think LW should be surprised people ask what’s going on. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t do it but they should respond with “I think your hosting is lovely, I’m personally committed to a no waste lifestyle and as such do what I can to reduce my plastic usage” and leave it at that. 

    The comments about “saving the host time” and “nothing picked special” are giving me some judges gives, ironic given LW is asking not to be judged for their choices and they should definitely leave this out of their explanation. They should keep bringing what they want, explain their personal values,  it leave their assessment of the hosts choices out of it. 
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