Dear Prudence,
My daughter recently announced that she was expecting. I was overjoyed at the news. She has been struggling to conceive for years, and I know how much she wants a child of her own. She gets along with her two stepchildren, but being friendly to a pair of teenagers isn’t the same as having a baby of your own. I told my daughter and her husband that I would be selling some property and putting the money aside for a college fund.
To my shock, my son-in-law grew angry at this and asked why I hadn’t done anything similar for his other two children. I replied that I barely have a relationship with his other children. I have seen them only a handful of times since the wedding and, other than checking the tracking numbers, I never get an acknowledgment if I send them gifts. I am very much not their grandmother.
My daughter is now very upset and tells me that her husband is picking fights with her over this issue. His oldest had to take out student loans to cover her second semester of college, and the other one graduates next year. It seems obvious that my son-in-law feels guilt over being unable to provide for his children, but both sets of grandparents are still alive, and he has a large extended family! I am not rich. I have been retired for several years and live on a fixed income. I have already apologized several times. What else can I do here?
—College Fund