Dear Prudence,
I’m a woman who has never had much interest in babies or children. I don’t dislike them, but I’ve never had any real interest in being around them. The religious and social culture I was raised in led me to assume I would have children eventually, and I was frequently assured that once I had children of my own I would love them more than I could ever understand. My husband wanted children, and I agreed because, as I said, I had always just assumed that parenthood was part of adulthood.
For me, motherhood was a rewarding obligation, but I was never a joyful mother of children. I loved my young children, but they were not the end-all-be-all of my existence, as seems to be the case with most of the mothers I know. In fact, I can honestly say I was a better mother once I got a part-time job and could look forward to spending part of every day away from them. Our children are all grown now, and I absolutely love this empty nest phase. My husband is my best friend, and I love spending my time with him doing the things we enjoy together. We share a home office for our remote jobs, share hobbies, and travel together as much as possible. This has been the best and happiest stage of my life so far.
We are also grandparents. My husband is completely content with being distant, uninvolved grandparents who pop in now and then to drop off a gift but don’t keep up to date on the grandchildren’s day-to-day lives. Honestly, that’s how I prefer it too, but feeling this way is eating me up with guilt. All the other grandmothers I know cherish and adore their grandchildren and want to spend as much time with them as possible. I keep seeing articles about how much children benefit from a close relationship with their grandparents, and how harmful it is to them to not have that. Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want to be an involved grandmother? Am I completely selfish?
—Uninterested Grandmother