How much emotional latitude should we expect from a partner? I (40 F) have a generally positive and patient disposition and am usually smiling. But when my chronic pain flares (or I have PMS), I’m more vocal about things that frustrate me instead of letting them roll off my back, and I am generally not in as good of a mood. I don’t yell or say mean things, I’m just not as happy and pleasant to be around.
My fiancé (45 M) complains about how my changes in mood affect him. When my pain management treatment wears off, he hounds me to go to the doctor, focusing not on me feeling better but on me being in a better mood for him (though I do know he wants me to feel better for me too). I feel that we shouldn’t be pressured to be at the top of our games with our partners all the time and that it’s reasonable to expect some grace when we don’t feel our best. I also don’t want to take “my stuff” out on him. How do you reconcile those two things?
—Pain (in the butt) Management