Dear Prudence,
For my second marriage, 10 years ago, I (62 M) married a single mom (56 F) with a daughter I’ll call “Emily,” who is currently 22. My wife is a major overachiever with high expectations of herself. She has a law degree, a master’s in HR, and she’s currently pursuing a nursing degree. Our daughter is completely the opposite. She has repeatedly declared that “she wants to be mediocre, and what’s wrong with that?” Putting actions behind her words, she dropped out of college after the first semester and she is working in retail as a cashier. In January of this year, she moved out of our home and eventually with a new boyfriend she recently acquired. At least he seems to treat her right.
However, this situation, as you can imagine, has caused my wife much grief but she avoids it by keeping busy with her studies. While Emily’s and my wife relationship is loving, Emily refuses to visit or call her mother with any regularity. My wife resorts then to calling her but I can see the pain in her eyes when those brief calls are over because of all the excuses Emily makes for her absence. I would like to do something and say something to Emily but I don’t know how or what to say. My relationship with Emily has always been friendly and fun so I wouldn’t have a problem with talking to her but I’m at a loss. Help, please!
—Clueless Stepdad in the Middle