Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for four, and have two kids (3F, 2M). I just returned to work as a teacher this fall after staying home since our daughter was born. We are both very neat, clean, organized people, and the house is definitely more messy now with me back to work. To be clear, I mean we’re not vacuuming and mopping daily anymore like I usually could when I stayed home, not that there’s actual filth anywhere. The majority of people would still consider our home extremely clean and neat. I know it bothers my husband more than me, but I don’t have the time or energy and he either doesn’t have or doesn’t use his time to clean more, so it’s not happening as often.
Two weeks ago, in the middle of a stupid fight over something that had broken (and how closely/carefully I was supervising our kids when it broke), my husband said that his life would be much easier, simpler, and maybe even happier without me and our kids in it. I was so surprised and hurt that I just turned, walked away, and went into our room and cried. He came in a few minutes later and said he hadn’t meant it to come out so harshly, he’s just really stressed out by the extra clutter and how much less time it seems like we all have with me back at work. Since then, he’s put in more effort around the house, but I can’t forget that comment. It seems like such an extreme reaction. A few days ago, I told him how much it was still hurting me. He said he hadn’t actually meant it, he just gets emotional in the heat of the moment and that’s how it comes out. I told him that didn’t really make it better for me because it meant he said it just to hurt me and that there’s things you say that can’t be taken back, no matter how hard you try. He’s now mad at me and saying there’s nothing he could possibly do to make up for his “dumb comment.” I honestly don’t know what will make me forget it. No matter how angry or stressed I was, I would never think to tell him I’d be better off without him and/or the kids. Help?
—Does He Even Want to Be Here?