this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Monday Monday

CharmedPamCharmedPam member
Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited October 2024 in Wedding Woes
(And out thread starter must be off lol!) Who has Columbus/Indigenous Peoples/Canadian Thanksgiving day off? Not I.  And I’m thankful for it, because I’m doing something with my mind, taking it off of current problems with S and I. AND I didn’t even get a therapy session in! She canceled on me Thursday for Milton and Friday for an illness - and she’ll get back to me when she knows her schedule. It’s too late because I already broke up with him in my head. I guess I’ll still take the sessions, if I ever get them?

Oh and in other news my friends and I went residential haunted house touring.  I’m not sure if your area has a bunch of home owners who set up elaborate scenes in their yard, but it’s pretty big in Chicagoland.  Some have mini walk throughs in the garage or lawn or tents.  Well, this isnt my first rodeo and I go to a lot over the years.  One house got me! It was fantastic! I was scared lol. I think it was because the garage was well lit and I could see everything so when this live person slowly came out of the shadows I was able to SEE her and get scared vs. it being dark and barely see anything.  Why pay for commercial haunts now?

Report Reply to Post

Re: Monday Monday

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    CW: Grief, unexpected death



    My weekend was thrown entirely off.  I got a call from my BFF Saturday morning that one of our dear cherished friends passed away, completely unexpectedly.  It happened last Monday, but the entire family/inner circle is so shell-shocked, it didn't occur to anyone to start telling other people until last Friday.  I share not in anger, but to show how completely unexpected it was.  She was on vacation, on a cruise, with her dad.  I think they were in Canada when it happened, so her body isn't even home yet.  All we know is an infection got out of control.  (We have a text/phone tree going so that the inner circle folx don't get overwhelmed sharing information so some info isn't getting through).  She was only 47. We'd known each other for 26 years, over half our lives.

    It's completely overwhelming, I feel like I'm walking through a swimming pool all the time, like the air is thick and heavy and won't move out of my way.  We hadn't talked in a few months, IDK how time got away so quickly.  We'd been planning to travel together next year, hopefully to see an F1 race.  I haven't decided on the funeral yet, for myriad of reasons.  I'm also worried that her exH will show up to her funeral and as I told someone else, "He'd be praying for death before we were all finished with him".  It was  a horrible divorce for so many reasons, it completely messed her up and she never really recovered physically, mentally or emotionally, and he just is the sort of human who'd show up for his own selfish reasons.

    I was in the middle of moving my work desk when I got the call.  Through my distraction, I managed to hit the screen of one of my work monitors and it's got a black patch on it.  I'll deal with it later; I can work around it and I don't feel like talking to anyone if I don't have to today.  So, I didn't do too much this weekend.  I had a friend sit with me both Saturday and Sunday and basically talk or watch comfort shows.  I realized I have an old Christmas gift from her that she put a note in, so I still have a sample of her handwriting.  I know that her phone is locked up and they can't get into it, so probably late one night I'm going to call it and record her voicemail, so I have a sample of her voice to keep.  I made sure to save our text messages.  It's just all so surreal.
    �
    Report Reply
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oh AND, I woke up to a text from K on Sunday.  WTF?  One of my friend was like, Do they have a "pile on Varuna" radar or what?!?!"  It's weird anyway b/c I had blocked the number but recently had gotten a new texting app.  I was checking to see how the app handled block number, had clicked on their, it unblocked the number, but then since I didn't have any active message the number disappeared and I couldn't reblock it.  Guess what I did immediately Sunday morning?
    �
    Report Reply
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    oh @VarunaTT I'm so so sorry for your friend and all of you who loved her. What a tragic scenario. Sending lots of hugs. 
    Report Reply
  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh @VarunaTT I’m so very sorry. That’s all awful. Hopefully you can get lots of Harley snuggles today. 
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow @VarunaTT what horrible horrific news. I’m so sorry to hear that.  Was the K text old and you just saw it now? Or the universe just coming at you all at once?

    Report Reply
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @CharmedPam it was a new one.  Basically I live across the street from this parking garage that honestly is like crime central somehow.  I advise my friends not to park in it when they come downtown, no matter the time of day.  Anyway, they found 3 gunshot victims in this garage...so far no report on how this occurred that I've found.  K works in the ER that received 2 of the victims.  They messaged me to "hope I was safe".  Which is just gross, b/c it's another attempt to open communication they know I don't want and get me back into their supply.  I didn't have much emotion about it beyond kind of evil laughter as I blocked.
    �
    Report Reply
  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @CharmedPam - sorry to hear of the trouble with S. Hopefully, you'll get a therapy session soon that can offer clarity.

    @VarunaTT - I'm so sorry for your friend's unexpected passing.  How awful!  I'm glad you had someone who could be with you this weekend.

    @charlotte989875 - What a S&%@ show!  It's always worse when it IS your monkeys and your circus. I hope HR gets the documentation they need and are quick to act.

    Weekend was pretty good.  I took Friday afternoon off for errands and to clean up the grill after the mess on Thursday night.  We got DH's ID renewed and he gave up his driver's license.  Big deal for him as he drove for a living the past several years.  

    Saturday we took a drive and picked up a couple of peony roots we ordered in the spring from a peony farm.  My mom went along and we had lunch in a small town café along the way.  

    Sunday I led worship at church, ran a few errands and then watched the Packer game.  Did some yard work after that using the pink mini-chainsaw DH bought me last week.  I didn't think I'd use it, but it came in handy for a few dead branches we had on the trees behind us.  Cut back all of my perennial plants and cleared out some of my hanging ones.  Then I borrowed a small garden tiller and attempted to plow up a new plot along the garage for the peonies.  Yikes, the ground is so hard because we haven't had rain for weeks.  I did get much of it done but will need to dig deeper for the spots I put the roots. Hoe to get them planted later this week when it warms up again.

    My arms are sore today from wrangling that tiller in the hard ground.  We have folks coming to clean windows inside and out this afternoon. I have hair and nail appointments tomorrow night and need to drop off some items I'm returning at the UPS store. I started my co-worker Christmas gifts last night and will continue on those this week.  


    image
    Report Reply
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @varunaTT so very sorry for your loss, especially that it was so unexpected. I’m glad that you and your mutual friends are in touch and can lean on each other. And virtual middle finger K’s way 

    @CharmedPam I hope you can get in a therapy session soon and sorry to hear about the turbulence with S

    @MNNEBride im glad you have some pampering coming up, you deserve it!

    We’re off today in observance of Columbus Day.  Good timing as it may well have been a sick day for 2/3 of the kids, and I would have had to call out.  Just a bad head cold so far, no fevers or anything, but kind of laying around and complaining, so a nice day for fluids and rest.  The weekend was nice though- had a wonderful visit with my parents on Saturday and lots of pumpkin patch/hay ride fun yesterday. 
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2024
    Thanks everyone.  Not till Friday now! Ugh, but I think I’ll need long term help anyway, even if not in a relationship. 

    @VarunaTT, totally trying to get a response out of you.  Good for you deleting it!
    @MNNEBride, I hear from people who had loved ones giving up licenses is HARD for them.  My grandpa was an instructor for the dmv, and when it was time to go, he also had a hard time. 
    Ugh @ei34 what a waste of a day off if you’re sick anyway
    @Casadena, good for you for putting your foot down.  A professional should really help in a situation like this.  They can provide coping skills and mechanisms (I think this is the right word?) to help him in that. 

    Report Reply
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    levioosa said:
    Sounds like it was a rough weekend for a bunch of us. 

    @VarunaTT. And that K tried to slink back in. Fuck that. 

    @charmedpam I’m sorry about S. I know you were excited about starting a new relationship. 

    @casadena sending you hugs. I grew up with a father who threw things, yelled, etc and I’m sad to say that sometimes it’s how my anxiety and anger manifests too. It’s taken years to deconstruct it and I’m still scared that if we ever have kids I’ll repeat those patterns. It’s good that you’re laying out boundaries, I know it’s hard. You guys have also had such a turbulent few years. 

    @mnnebride hugs to you and H too. Giving up a license has a big sense of finality to it for so many people. It’s so hard. I’m glad it was voluntary though. It’s so much more traumatic when people hold on until they’re forced to lose it. 

    Weekend was…okay. I’m so emotionally tired. Work is being shitty work and family is family-ing. H went over to my parent’s house yesterday to help sell my dad’s truck and apparently it was awful. My dad was mean and horrible, my mom had a screaming panic attack and poor H was just stuck trying to be the calm one in the midst of trying not to have his own panic attack with how everything was going. H told me that he’s heard me talk about my upbringing and how awful it was but that was the worst he’s ever seen it personally and it really disturbed him. I was like yes, this is why I’m in therapy. My mom told him she’s going to call me to talk about divorcing my dad which, once again, should not be a conversation in which I am involved. My parents are just irrevocably broken and have never been true teammates or partners. I’m just angry that I have to be involved in it. And I’m trying to decide which boundaries to have because short of cutting them off completely, I’ll have to be in communication to some degree. The shitty thing is, I would be happier if I cut them off. But I’d also be lonely. It’s not as black and white as when I cut out my Dad’s mom. Seeing family communication patterns and generational illness is really a fucking trip. 

    Anyways, I took Friday off of work and I am looking forward to a four day weekend. Trying to decide if it’s going to be spud based or if we’ll try to do something fun. 
    I hate that you had to deal with a dad like that - it's so unfair to kids. H's dad was absolutely like that, supported 100% by my MIL who frequently dealt with her kids with the classic "wait til dad gets home".  They were terrified to do anything wrong. I understand why it can be hard to deal with things differently than what you witnessed and that's why i've given him a LOT of grace the last few years. And it's also why I (we, really) don't want the kids to witness it. I don't want them to feel like you do about your parents, or H does about his, or feel like i didn't stick up for them or support them the way they deserve. So many hugs to you for dealing with it for so long, I can tell you're really conflicted. 
    Report Reply
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    VVarunaTT said:
    Oh AND, I woke up to a text from K on Sunday.  WTF?  One of my friend was like, Do they have a "pile on Varuna" radar or what?!?!"  It's weird anyway b/c I had blocked the number but recently had gotten a new texting app.  I was checking to see how the app handled block number, had clicked on their, it unblocked the number, but then since I didn't have any active message the number disappeared and I couldn't reblock it.  Guess what I did immediately Sunday morning?
    holy crap I somehow missed this update. Good for you for blocking immediately and i'm sorry you had to deal with that on top of all the rest this weekend. <3
    Report Reply
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All the vibes your way @levioosa, feel like you’re everyone’s anchor, but you need a break 

    Good for you for having a CTJ talk @Casadena though I’m sorry you had to have it. I know your H has been through a lot these last few years, but so have you. That’s a really hard convo to have (and type out here), sending love your way 
    Report Reply
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ei34 said:
    All the vibes your way @levioosa, feel like you’re everyone’s anchor, but you need a break 

    Good for you for having a CTJ talk @Casadena though I’m sorry you had to have it. I know your H has been through a lot these last few years, but so have you. That’s a really hard convo to have (and type out here), sending love your way 
    Exactly this @ei34.  @levioosa you take on so much! And also poor DH having to be in the middle of it all

    Report Reply
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @CharmedPam, I'm sorry things aren't working out with S!  It's unfortunate you weren't able to have a therapy session.  Coincidently, my therapist had to cancel our Sat. appointment for a family emergency.  Though I wasn't sad about it.  I like the sessions, but they aren't really helping me...at least not yet...and I sometimes feel worse after them.  I'm assuming this is part of the "process".  But it was nice to have an unexpected break.

    @VarunaTT, I am so sorry to hear this!  A death of a loved one is always hard, but it's even harder to fathom when it is so unexpected.  Thoughts and prayers for you, her other friends, and her family.  I especially feel bad for her dad.  I'm glad a friend was there for you this weekend.

    @Casadena, That's really tough!  I hope this is the wake-up call your H needs to work more in therapy and figure out how to better handle his anger.  It's a good sign he also sees the problem and wants to change.  You and your sons deserve that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards