Dear Prudence,
My sister is miserable, and it is all her own making. After she got married, she got obsessed with all these cottage core influencers and was convinced that they had to raise their kids in the country. So they moved 10 hours away, bought a hobby farm, and my brother-in-law took a traveling job to make ends meet. My sister had one baby, then two, and is currently pregnant with number three. She is constantly complaining. She expects our retired parents to make the trip out to help her every other week and dumps on her husband for not immediately picking up everything after he gets home. Any time someone makes a suggest about how she could eliminate some stress, she bites their head off. Maybe get rid of the goats? Scale down the garden? Get rid of some of the chickens? Move closer to family? Consider putting the kids in daycare and get a part time remote job? We are “unsupportive” and not helping.
I finally passed my year probation at work and got full time benefits—including three weeks of vacation. I was completely over the moon and was talking in our family chat about two weeks to do a tour of some national parks. I always wanted to do this, but never could find the opportunity to go. My sister jumped all over me as being selfish and self-centered for not immediately dropping everything to come help her out on their farm. I told her to get down from her cross and take a long look in the mirror. The only one being selfish and self-centered is her—she has made everyone miserable for years because she is too proud to admit the move was a mistake. I could have been more diplomatic, but I am tired of biting my tongue while she blames everyone else for her choices. Of course, it upset my sister and my parents are unhappy with me about things. I am tired. It has been five years of this misery slog. I am thinking of skipping Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas. What should my moves be after this?
—Miserable in Missouri