Dear Prudence,
My dad had an affair and divorced my mom when I was 12. He immediately dropped out of my life. He moved three hours away and we saw each other on holidays, only at his convenience. When his second wife had a baby a few years later, the holidays and child support stopped. I was really sad and angry. My mom and I lost our apartment and had to move in with relatives. Eventually, wage garnishment kicked in and he’s still paying it off now. Being broke when I didn’t have to be as a kid sucked as much as not having a dad. My mom worked all the time, and I got into a lot of trouble in my late teens because I was never supervised. I know blended families can be great. My mom married her boyfriend in 2022 and he’s been a nonstop presence both for the kids of his first marriage and for me. My dad didn’t have to be like this. Everything I know about being a man I learned either from the internet or my stepdad.
My dad lost his son to a car accident this spring. I only found out when his extended family called me to ask why I wasn’t at the funeral. Somehow they didn’t know that he wasn’t in my life. The death, and maybe shaming from his family made him reach out. I agreed to see him and he apologized for “not being around enough” but I only felt angry. He‘s still the same man who disappeared from my life and didn’t care that his actions could have made me homeless. I’m not a replacement for the son he actually loved and I don’t want to be. My stepdad is pushing me to be the bigger man but I kind of never want to see my dad again. What do I do here? I know he’s grieving, but seriously, fuck him.
—Angry