Dear Prudence,
20 years ago, I had a neighborhood friend. Susan was 10 years younger than me, but her daughter was right in between my two. We had a lot in common and always had things to talk about. Eventually she moved to another state and had three more children. We stayed in touch via phone and email, along with an occasional visit when she was back in our state. I ended up moving overseas for a year and during that stretch it was all email. On my return I looked forward to resuming our calls. That never quite worked, but I continued to email. Over time, Susan stopped responding much. Every so often she would get back to me, full of apologies and thanks that I hadn’t given up on her. But then things trickled even slower. I only received a group email with her family updates. My dad died and then my mother got cancer and died in the same calendar year. Susan called one day while I was helping mom. She left a message saying how she’s working on being better about calling folks. I called her back within an hour, but it went to voicemail. I shared the news about my parents’ deaths in my Christmas card (a printed insert, not a handwritten message), but I never heard from Susan, though she continued to send a Christmas card every year. I was very hurt. Last Christmas, I decided I was done, and I did not send Susan a card. It was finally obvious to me that our friendship was over.
Well wouldn’t you know it? Included in her annual card was a personal note. It had been three years since she called me. I guess 2023 had been a rough year for her since one of her children had been in a very serious accident. She apologized for being a bad friend. I was so confused. Why did she reach out? The only thing I can think of is that during the medical emergency and recovery their family received lots of assistance from friends and maybe she was having regrets about not being a good friend in return? I sat on her note for a couple of months and then finally replied. I sent her a Christmas card with a note. I told her I was happy to hear from her because I had missed her friendship. I gave her a quick update on my family, keeping it brief and cool. I’m not sure what I expected to happen, but was still surprised to just get crickets again. I don’t get it. Why did she reach out? Do I owe her anything? Or should I just cut her off and expect eventually her annual Christmas cards will disappear just like everything else about her?
—Make Up Your Mind!