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Wedding Woes

Let the chips fall.

Dear Prudence,

One of my friends, “Anna,” has a substance abuse problem. We’ve had words about it in the past, but she brushed me off as being controlling. So I dropped the subject and began to distance myself from her. But now, other friends have been sharing their concerns with me. One friend has said she’s not going to invite Anna to her wedding.

There was an incident over the summer and Anna admitted she had a problem, but the next night she was running off to do coke in the bathroom, then complaining that she feels like everyone hates her. We don’t hate her, but I do hate when she goes off the rails. Frankly, I understand why my friend doesn’t want her at her wedding, but Anna will be devastated when the invitations go out. Do I try and talk to her again, or just let the chips fall where they land?

—Sad Sober Friend

Re: Let the chips fall.

  • Let them fall.  Anna needs to reach the point that she wants to change.  Change isn't for you to initiate and acting as a go-between won't help her. 
  • Inserting yourself into her invitation to someone's wedding (or lack thereof) is not distancing yourself. 

    It sounds like you're more interested in inserting yourself in drama than anything. 
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