Wedding Woes

Not everyone has to be your best friend

Dear Prudence,

I need a script to slowly fade from a wildly unreliable socialite of a friend. She is a delight when we get around to hanging out but … it takes weeks for her to answer text messages. She frequently goes out of town, will stack multiple social events every day, and only makes herself available at bars and other loud settings where it’s hard to talk. She asks to make plans every once in a while, but I haven’t taken her up on it in months. It’s not that I dislike her, I just don’t feel close to her. She’s simply not around. And I would rather spend time with friends who can invest the same amount of time as me. How do I tell an otherwise fun person that I’d rather not entertain a half-hearted friendship?

Re: Not everyone has to be your best friend

  • I don't know why you have to tell her at all.  Just keep declining the once-in-awhile texts and I'm sure they'll stop.

    This feels like LW wrote in to Prudie b/c LW's mad that LW is as unimportant in this friend's life as this friend is to LW and wants some sort of weird validation or create some sort of drama.
  • The LW sounds a little mean they want to awkwardly end a friendship, instead of just letting it die on its own.

    It sounds like the LW has always had higher expectations of what this friendship is.  I'm guessing this woman sees the LW as a casual friend who she enjoys seeing sometimes, but the LW isn't part of her normal circle of friends.

    It's understandable the LW is now recognizing this isn't the kind of friendship they want, but it sounds like the person has always been like this.  There is no need to have a big production because the LW had been hoping this friend would be different in their relationship and then wasn't.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You're already not taking her up on invites to hang out. She'll probably get the hint eventually and stop reaching out. You don't have to make an announcement about it. 
    image
  • This LW and the friend are in my social circle. One of my friends thinks that every friendship needs to be a deep connection, and every interaction needs to be a soul bearing bonding experience. I do love her and appreciate how open she is, but sometimes it's exhausting. Another friend is just not that deep, but she's a blast. 

    They're both going to be at friendsgiving tomorrow, so that will be fun.
  • Just let it fade.  Agree with PP that it doesn't require an announcement.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards