Dear Prudence,
We had our daughter in the final year of college. My ex dropped out while I scrambled to graduate and find work. It was difficult. Our relationship ended when our daughter was four because my ex went back on our agreement for her to finish her degree and go back to work. She decided she wanted to have another baby and be a stay at home mom. We were living paycheck to paycheck and only because my parents were willing to help cover the car payments were we able to save anything.
My daughter is 7 now. I got married last year and we are expecting. We share equal custody, but the co-parenting hasn’t gone well due to the bitterness of my ex. She hates that I moved on, that my wife and I make a good living, while she and her boyfriend struggle. Anytime I try to take the higher road, like taking care of my daughter on the days she works late, I get slapped down. I gave up after we sold her my old, but well-maintained car for a few hundred and her boyfriend wrecked it. I was being “unreasonable” for not paying for repairs.
My daughter was very excited about becoming a big sister until recently. It started off with her acting scared that the baby was going to replace her or acting like a baby herself. My wife and I reassured her that we loved her and hearts just get bigger as a family does. Then the bomb dropped. My daughter told me that her mommy said she was supposed to have a “real” baby brother but daddy made her “get rid of it.” As far as I know, my ex never had an abortion.
At the tail end of our relationship, we had a broken condom and she took the morning after pill to be safe. There was no pregnancy, other than the one she decided she wanted later. I never thought my ex was capable of this, and I have no idea how to deal with the consequences on my daughter. I told her that it wasn’t true and her mom was confused. I haven’t even told my wife about this yet. I need help here.