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Wedding Woes

Have empathy, her life was totally different

Dear Prudence,

My mom blew up all of our lives when she had an affair with her boss and got pregnant. It completely blindsided my dad, and he fell into a deep depression and didn’t even contest the divorce. I was already out of the house and saw how cruel and petty our mom turned out. For example, my dad had woodworking tools that he got from his great grandfather. My mom went after those and the family dog that she disliked. My two brothers were in high school, but my little sister was only 7. She got charmed by the big new house with a pool, all those vacations, and everything else that our dad didn’t have money for. My brothers cut our mom out of their lives the moment that they turned 18. I hung on for the sake of my little sister.

Our dad died when she was 13. I was supposed to take her by herself to the funeral, but our mom decided that was the perfect time to “clear the air” with me. I blew up at and told to stop wasting her excuses on me; as far as I was concerned, I was an orphan. My mom refused to let my sister come to the funeral, and I haven’t spoken to her since.

She is 18 now. She recently reached out wanting to reconnect. I have avoided the topic of our parents, but she hasn’t. Basically, it is all lies and justifications. It makes me sick to hear them coming out of my sister’s mouth. Is it even worth trying here?

—Lil’ Sis

Re: Have empathy, her life was totally different

  • It's probably not time. You still have a LOT of resentment toward your mom, and that's coming through in how you see your sister.

    Maybe one day.
  • "I appreciate that you have had a different relationship with our mother than I have.  I'm not interested in having anything to do with her and please know that any relationship we can have means leaving that woman out of it." 
  • It is always so hard when siblings had different relationships with the adults in their life.  I see it in a lot of friend's families, especially those with Gen X kids and Millennial kids.

    You're going to have to tell her that you won't discuss your parents marriage with her and if she can't respect that, the reconnection won't happen.
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