Dear Care and Feeding,
My oldest daughter, “Alaina,” is breaking my heart. She is engaged to a nice enough man that she’s been with for five years, but has thrown out every tradition that is important to us: She won’t wear an engagement ring because diamonds are “ugly” and not “politically correct.” She refused both an engagement party and a bridal shower. They refuse to create a registry, so my friends have no idea what to get them for wedding presents—turns out she is not even inviting my friends to the wedding, just their own friends and family. She isn’t having a bridal party, and her sisters are hurt because they wanted to be bridesmaids. I was so looking forward to shopping with her for her bridal gown, but she bought a plain white dress. Worst of all, she won’t let her father walk her down the aisle because, in her words, she’s “not property to be given away.”
There is no reception, just champagne (no bar either!) and wedding cake in the basement (!!) of the church. No wedding dinner, not even appetizers. No wedding toasts. No first dance, because there’s no band. I understand that Alaina watched her younger sister turn into a bridezilla, but her sister did have a gorgeous wedding that we paid for. We are willing to pay for hers too, but she and her fiancé are both refusing to do anything we want. They are both doctors and can pay for what they want. Alaina’s father is ready to stay home rather than be ignored, and I’m not sure I want to be there, either. How do we navigate this without alienating our daughter?