Dear Prudence,
My partner and I have been together for eight years. While our families are very different, we’ve always gotten along well with everyone. My partner’s mom is generous and well-meaning, but she struggles with boundaries. I’ve managed to build a warm relationship with her while maintaining my comfort level, but recently, it’s become more challenging.
She’s very eager for me to have children and often directs comments about it at me, not her son. Most recently, we discussed a trip to their vacation home, and she was insistent on booking my ticket. I thanked her and explained I’d prefer to book it myself. She ignored my message and continued to book. I gently reiterated and thanked her extensively for the generous offer, but it’s become a point of strife. I feel I handled the situation pretty diplomatically. However, my partner is upset and feels I’m making things unnecessarily difficult. It’s become a huge point of contention, and I feel stuck.
I value my independence and feel uncomfortable accepting the trip under these circumstances, especially since I’m trying to establish boundaries. When I explained this to my partner, he wasn’t receptive and thinks I am being difficult for no reason. I feel incredibly hurt by his response and feel some uncertainty about our future if he’s this dismissive and combative of my pretty (I thought) reasonable boundary.
Do you have advice on how to navigate these conversations? I feel really hurt, but if I give in I’m worried I will hold resentment against him. This feels like such a cliché I’m embarrassed it’s even a thing.