Dear Prudence,
For the last six years, my close friend “Steph” and I have been both real friends and industry friends. We’re both self-employed creatives and share absolutely everything about our businesses (and lives) with each other. Due to personal struggles, my business is NOT doing well at the moment and Steph’s response has stunned me. I didn’t expect much except for a little sympathy or a pep talk, but she has completely shut down the 2-3 times I’ve tried to tell her I’m struggling.
We met up for coffee recently and she monologued about the luxury niche she’s targeting and whether or not she would be able to buy a second house in the next year. I got a little overwhelmed and unexpectedly started to tear up a bit thinking about out how I’m struggling to pay my mortgage. Steph offered me a tissue, but didn’t respond at all to my explanation/apology. Instead, she started weeping inexplicably about her stress over her daughter starting active shooter drills at school.
Today, I reached out to say that I have COVID again and am worried about missing work. She didn’t have a word for me, but instead complained about her daughter getting her sick often, then bragged about booking a huge job on short notice. I’m truly happy she’s doing so well, I’m also deeply hurt that she knows how high the stakes are for me but can only seem to talk about herself in response.
I’ve always felt before like she was a supportive friend, but the more I think about it, the more I realize she only responds to problems she thinks she can fix, and literally ignores the tough stuff that just requires a little empathy. I guess I could think of her as a friend I just complain about clients with and only ask for help with setting up my email list—but idk, I can’t shake the hurt at being stonewalled when I try to share how down I am. What would you do?