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You owe her nothing

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Some background: Last year, my parents sold the house and moved to a 55+ community in a place without snow. They gave me my remaining college fund (I took a nontraditional route) and part of the house profits so I could put a down payment on my place. I got rid of the two tiny bedrooms to make the second floor a large open space and put in a walk-in shower.

Now the problem: My sister is 30. Our parents paid for her wedding and college. The marriage only lasted three years and she has been divorced two. She hasn’t been doing well in anyone’s opinion. She has been job-hopping while going on lavish trips and acting more like a teenager on spring break. Over the holidays, she dropped the bomb that she was pregnant. She didn’t know the father and didn’t want to know. She was keeping the baby and going to be a single mother—and this was everyone’s problem. Magically, we couldn’t all to afford to change our living situation or financially support her. So she threw a fit. Our parents kept talking about child support and the cost of day care and the dangers of raising a child in a blue state. So my sister turned on me.

I was the horrid one for remodeling my place; never once did I think about asking her to live with me! I told she was deluded if she thought taking care of my older adult sister ever factored into any decision I made. She certainly didn’t consider any of us when she dropped the baby bomb! Well, my sister actually pushed me, and if our Dad hadn’t gotten between us, we might have gotten physical like we did as kids. Now, my sister isn’t talking to anyone. My parents are frantic since they are several states away and I am “local.” In reality, I live about 100 miles from her.

I would rather just wash my hands of this. My sister hasn’t listened to a word of advice in her life or ever admitted that she was in the wrong. I worry about the impact on my parents, though. And I will be stuck in the middle no matter what. Help! This was going to be a great year for me and now it’s going to the dogs.

—Baby Bomb

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Re: You owe her nothing

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Not your circus. 

    She’s 30 years old and has made a decision about her own body. She needs to own the responsibility for what comes next. If your parents want to drop everything and support her life- that’s on them. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LC or NC is likely the way to go here with sister.  

    It's a shame that there's a kid who is going to lose the most in this but it also seems like giving ANYTHING to the sister is only going to be abused. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You know, half of these letters, the "background" just makes the OP look like an asshole.  

    It doesn't matter what the past is.  The actions here/now are not appropriate, period.  Deal with them, w/out the other baggage.  Go LC or NC with the sister and support your parents are you can, while making your boundaries with them clear.
    �
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