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Enjoy the dreams, do nothing else

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m finally in a relationship with a man I see a future with. That being said: I find myself regularly thinking about an ex. This ex is not someone I can have a future with based on their maturity level, among other things. However, I felt very understood by them and connected to them. We have a friendly relationship. Meaning I do not spend time with them, or go out of my way to see them but we do run into each other on occasion and it can leave me really overwhelmed and confused after we chat for a bit. I sometimes wonder whether we should be together. Logically, I recognize this is probably just my brain’s way of fantasizing while I am entering my first very calm relationship. I think with time this will probably go away but my brain keeps nagging at me and I keep dreaming about him. What do I do?

—Can’t Get You Out of My Head

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Re: Enjoy the dreams, do nothing else

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There is a reason you are no longer w/ your ex.   Remember it. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    OP, you keep up the reframing work b/c your nervous system is trying to self-sabotage you, b/c the anxiety, drama, and eff ups are all it knows and finds comfort in.

    There's a reason I say, "Me being attracted to you IS the red flag."  My nervous system recognizes chaos and craves it, still.  
    �
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also....stop self sabotaging. Having a sexy dream is fine. It happens. Starting to fantasize about how life was supposed to be different and it should have worked out is too far. If this is a problem for you, then stop engaging. I'm not saying run away when you see them. But you run into them in a coffee shop? "Oh, how are you? Great! I actually have an appointment to get to but it was nice to see you!" You are creating a self fulfilling, self sabotaging prophecy by engaging with this person for extended amounts of time, even "by chance." 


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