Dear Care and Feeding,
For the last few weeks, my husband “Derek” and I have been at odds over allowing our 8-year-old son, “Noah,” to take ballet lessons. Noah has a cousin who does ballet, and over the Christmas holiday we attended her school’s performance of The Nutcracker. Noah was enthralled and eagerly asked if he could take ballet lessons. Noah is extremely shy and I have been trying to find extracurricular activities for him, so I was very pleased that he would take the initiative. I said we would look into it as soon as the holidays were over.
Then came my husband’s reaction. Derek is adamantly against signing Noah up for ballet. Initially he claimed it was too expensive (which is not the case; we can easily afford it). Then he said Noah would lose interest in it because he has quit baseball and football within the past two years. The truth of the matter is that Derek signed Noah up for both sports over his protests. I reluctantly went along with it in the hope that Noah would grow to like it once he gave it a chance and make some friends along the way. Noah said he didn’t enjoy either sport the entire time he played, but my husband insisted he stick it out because he had “made a commitment.” My husband only relented and let Noah quit after both coaches came to us and said we were wasting everyone’s time because it was obvious Noah didn’t want to be there. Then Derek finally admitted the real reason for his disapproval.
According to him, “ballet is for girls and gays,” and if we sign him up, “we’re going to make him a bullseye for bullies.”
Derek played football from the time he was age 7 through high school and went to college on a football scholarship, so while his response was infuriating, it didn’t entirely surprise me. I replied that there are plenty of famous male ballet dancers, sexual orientation is irrelevant, and what matters is that our son has an opportunity to find something that might bring him happiness, socialization, and allow him to express himself, and he deserves a chance to try it. Derek said it “would be an embarrassment” and if I sign him up, he will have nothing to do with it. Should I sign Noah up for ballet lessons anyway, or is this something my husband and I both need to be on board with?
—Let Him Dance Already