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How to date with IBS?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Last year, I (28F) developed some health problems that led to an IBS diagnosis, which as far as I can tell is medical language for “something’s wrong but we don’t know what.” I eat a recommended diet, take medication, and do my best to live my life. But, sometimes I urgently need to use the bathroom, and often I make embarrassing bathroom noises. Socially, my friends and family know because I had some associated ER visits prior to diagnosis. But right now, I’m single and would like to date, and don’t know how or when to bring this up, because it’s embarrassing. If I’m planning to hook up, I just skip a couple meals so I won’t need to deal with bathroom complications, but over the long term that’s not an option. How do I approach this when I really don’t want to talk to potential boyfriends about poop?

—Trying My Best

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Re: How to date with IBS?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh this plays to my heart.  

    Married to a dude with IBS and mother to a daughter with IBD.  I honestly think a lot of this is finding the right person with whom you CAN talk about poop.  

    We all do it.    Everyone poops!  For some of us it's an easier process than it is for others but it needs to happen and there's enough poop jokes and references in movies to make us know that it can be embarrassing but also part of being human.  From campfires in Blazing Saddles to Charlotte York in SATC Movie, there's a reference out there for everyone.

    If you're dating people to date vs. dating someone you already knew (I knew DH for 5 years before we started dating.  I'd heard him fart plenty before we first kissed) then ease into physicality.  Start off slow with facts over dining, "I have to be on a doctor recommended diet of X, Y, and Z due to issues they can cause."  Then lead in a bit more.  Because sometimes things can get...stirred up you may need to give more facts.  

    But we're living in a world of tons of gluten free aisles, advertisements for biologics and plenty of diet restrictions that aren't by choice.  You don't have to start off with, "Oh that's gonna make me poop everywhere if I eat it," but you can advise that you do have several dietary restrictions as recommended by a doctor.

    Poor Chiquita is at least leaning into this now and will be clear with those who ask what is and isn't approved.  I hope that when the time comes for her to date that it will be an organic experience simply because it's easier than ripping off that band-aid. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It’s easy to say “don’t date people who you 
    can talk about this with” but the figuring out who you
    van is really hard! Once you know what foods are “safer” stick to those while you’re dating. As you get to know people you can let them know there are foods that are off limits and sometimes you need urgent access to a bathroom. I like to hope most adults will understand. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This reminds me of one of H and my first dates. We were on a hike and he was so nervous about the date his IBS hit him and he had to find a place to go (which was not easy because the hike was on steep terrain and was pretty visible territory). Poor guy was mortified. I just treated it like no big deal (because we all have an embarrassing bathroom story at some point in our lives) and now I gently tease him about it. The right person won't judge you, and won't embarrass you. Obviously stay away from foods you know are going to trigger you at first, but this doesn't have to be some terrible big reveal in the relationship.  


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  • knottie25e58da743a2a290knottie25e58da743a2a290 member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited February 4
    When I first started seeing my husband, I was worried about the bathroom runs and flare-ups. I’d skip meals or try to avoid certain situations to stay on the safe side, but that never worked long-term.

    Eventually, I just came clean about it. I told him I had IBS and that sometimes my stomach gives me trouble. He was super chill about it and didn’t even faze him. And honestly, it took a lot of weight off my shoulders.

    One thing that really helped me manage was starting medical cannabis for IBS. I found this clinic here in the UK called Releaf, and after they set me up with a treatment plan, the difference was huge. The pain and urgency calmed down, and I wasn’t constantly anxious about when the next flare-up would hit.

    So, when you’re ready, just be upfront about it. The right person will understand, and once you start managing the symptoms, things get a whole lot easier
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