I wouldn't reach out

Re: I wouldn't reach out

• banana468 member

  

  February 6

  Casadena said:

  Dear Prudence,

  I’m 37, the eldest of four, and have been estranged from my 28-year-old and 26-year-old paternal half siblings for about 10 years. (I have one full sibling, we’re close.) I’m getting married in May and can’t stop thinking about getting in touch. Not to invite them—they hate our father and I don’t—but because family is on my mind. Their mother claims our father was violent with them and thus poisoned them against him. All he did was spank them. It feels SO distant to me now, but I confess I don’t want to reach out solely for hatchet burying. I have immense anger toward them. Their mother altered the course of my life, leading to a seven-year estrangement from my dad that ended when I reached out. So, I’ve done it once, should I do it again? Should I try to overcome this sibling estrangement and pursue a relationship? Is it worth it?

  You're defending the practice of spanking a child to children nearly ten years younger than you.  
  
  Until you recognize that the practice is abhorrent and IS a big deal there is no path to the road of reconciliation.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  February 6

  You're blaming them for their mother's actions. You also assume that you know everything that happened between them and your father, while you were already an adult and wouldn't have known what was going on in their home. 
  
  No, you don't need to reach out, but I suspect some of this is resurfacing because you know your feelings aren't settled. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  February 6

  I don't understand why the LW has "immense anger" towards them, but wants to reach out.  FFS, leave them alone.  The LW should go to therapy if they still have unresolved issues.  They have can also work on all this anger they have towards people who were still in high school, the last time they interacted.
  

  

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