Dear Prudence,
I’m 29. I’ve had an on-and-off relationship with Richard, who is 28, for three years. He’s sexy, passionate, but also unreliable. Every time I get together with Richard I feel butterflies in my stomach. On the other hand, I’ve recently been dating Charles, who is 34. Charles is steady, kind, and sweet. He’s also a little boring compared to Richard. Charles knows we’re not exclusive, but he’s received an offer to work in Italy and he asked me to take this more seriously and move there with him for a year. I would love to take a year to explore Italy. I have a remote job, so it wouldn’t affect my career negatively. I do love Charles. We have many things in common—the talk about Italy started because we both love to cook, and we’d love to learn Italian cooking techniques—but I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when I’m with him.
I was talking to my older sister about Charles and Richard, and she told me that butterflies in your stomach are not always as great as they sound. It’s made me wonder if she’s right, and if I might be throwing a good thing away if I don’t go with Charles. On the other hand, every time I start thinking about moving, I start thinking about Richard again. Shouldn’t you feel passionately in love with someone if you’re thinking of moving halfway across the world with them? I know I want to have my cake and eat it too, but I just can’t decide what to do.