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Am I the a-h*le, if I invite to my wedding the aunts/uncles (my mom’s siblings) who my mom hates?

knottie262cc7f5b5d169e9knottie262cc7f5b5d169e9 newb
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

What should I do? 

My mom’s sibling are definitely difficult people and were jerks about my brother’s wedding. 

But I want to invite them bc I hate the family drama that has dragged out and don’t want to perpetuate it. And bc I actually really like my cousins. 

My mom actually threatened to not come if her siblings are there.

My fiancé thinks my mom should be the one that's tells her siblings why their kids (my cousins) are invited but they are not. That it is her issue with them and not mine.

A few additional facts that might be relevant. We are having a destination wedding (so 3 days of opportunities for drama) and my mom is gifting us a lot of money for the wedding.

What should I do? 

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Re: Am I the a-h*le, if I invite to my wedding the aunts/uncles (my mom’s siblings) who my mom hates?

  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Do your mom's issues with her siblings mostly stem from something that happened at your brother's wedding, or do they run deeper than that? I'm guessing the latter. Also, are you close to these aunts/uncles despite your mother's issues with them? If you aren't, and inviting them could jeopardize your relationship with your mom, I wouldn't do it. I also don't recommend using your wedding to attempt to end an ongoing family drama; it could very easily backfire.

    If you insist on inviting them, be prepared for your mother to withdraw her financial contribution to the wedding. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Personally if my mom was paying for my wedding and didn’t want her siblings there, I would not invite them. Also ditto that she could rescind her offer to pay. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "With money comes strings"...  Even though it's a DW, it is possible those relatives only be invited to the ceremony and reception, NOTHING else including the hotel block or surrounding activities but that line would need to be hard, deep, and requiring extra event security.  

    My guess is there was dynamic that ran deeper than your brother's wedding and possibly drama that you didn't hear about that your Mom (likely a "FINALLY!" boundary) no longer wants to surround herself by, and it could have even involved something being said about you, so I'd err on the side of trust your Mom that the dynamic is big enough to warrant the "NONE of her siblings!" request.  And that's okay!  Yes, that is your Mom's boundary, not yours, and where she is paying and there are strings, honor the strings.  As for inviting your cousins - invite the ones that you can't imagine the day being without (okay to cherry pick if their parents aren't being invited) and DO NOT add "and guest" if they are not in a committed relationship as that can open the potential for an aunt/uncle to show...  
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