Dear Prudence,
I have an old work friend who invites me to his house a few times a year, along with many other old friends and colleagues. Several years ago, he married a woman from another country and culture. My friend’s wife doesn’t work outside the home and has a very small social circle. Last time I visited, she took me aside, told me about her struggle with making friends, and asked me if I would regularly stop by to hang out with her. I was caught off guard and mumbled something like, “sure, if I have time.” Since then, I’ve turned down my friend’s invitations. I don’t know how to respond if his wife presses me about my supposed “promise.” I have nothing in common with her and we have never gone beyond small talk. I feel for her. I can see that she’s lonely, but I also feel put on the spot to fill the role of her companion. I haven’t told my friend about his wife’s request, and I don’t want to lose contact with him. How do I manage the pressure to become the wife’s friend and still maintain contact with my old colleague?