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MYOB

short+sassyshort+sassy member
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in Wedding Woes

My daughter and her best friend, “Tina,” are both in middle school. A few months ago, I noticed that Tina’s teeth looked discolored, like they hadn’t been brushed in a while, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to embarrass her. Then recently Tina had to have a tooth extracted because of a severe cavity.

My daughter has shared with me that Tina’s mother does not take her for regular dental checkups. I don’t know if the reason for this is financial or just negligence. Tina seems otherwise happy and healthy. Should I get involved here? I haven’t spoken to Tina’s mother outside the occasional pick-up or drop-off, so I don’t know how she would take me butting into a situation that’s not really my business.

I would be willing to help them find resources for affordable dental care or even take Tina to the dentist myself. I don’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but I also don’t want fail to intervene if a child is being neglected.

—Worried About Dental Negligence

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Re: MYOB

  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Man this is tough. Parenting is hard. And there are long term health consequences to this. 


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    In my mind, there is really only once chance of a good outcome and a lot of changes of bad outcomes -- and none of the bad would help Tina and could possibly endanger her if OP really doesn't know her family situation.

    I just really don't think there's a good option and I'd stay out of it.  I might say something to the teacher -- they're mandated reporters (I think) and if there is a bad situation, the teacher should have an idea.

    I have a friend who has this issue.  They were raised in a cult and were actively encouraged NOT to brush their teeth.  It has led to a lot of problems and they've spent a lot of money fixing their teeth.  But someone trying to get involved in the matter would've created a lot of problems for said friend, beyond the ones they already lived in.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    This is awful and without knowing much the only thing I'd do is IF there's a sleepover to be the audible mom at the time that it's bedtime and insist that there's teeth brushing and flossing before lights out with no food after. 

    This could be financial, lack of education, or not trusting those in medicine and sadly there's not much that you can do if that's the only troubling sign.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    @VarunaTT That's along the lines of what I was thinking. Like maybe talking to the teacher or school nurse? 


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    VarunaTT said:
    In my mind, there is really only once chance of a good outcome and a lot of changes of bad outcomes -- and none of the bad would help Tina and could possibly endanger her if OP really doesn't know her family situation.

    I just really don't think there's a good option and I'd stay out of it.  I might say something to the teacher -- they're mandated reporters (I think) and if there is a bad situation, the teacher should have an idea.

    I have a friend who has this issue.  They were raised in a cult and were actively encouraged NOT to brush their teeth.  It has led to a lot of problems and they've spent a lot of money fixing their teeth.  But someone trying to get involved in the matter would've created a lot of problems for said friend, beyond the ones they already lived in.
    That's where I am.

    It would be one thing if the LW were closer friends with the mom and even that would be hard.  But she doesn't really know her.  

    I just don't see where saying something would lead to anything positive.  The mom is just going to be offended that some rando person told her how to parent her child.  It's not like "children/people should brush their teeth on a daily basis" is some groundbreaking information that people are not aware of.

    Or maybe it's not a brushing issue.  Maybe it's a medical condition or medicine that affects Tina's teeth.

    Or it's finances.  It's not like dental care is a priority in the US.  Even if you have insurance, it's almost always maxed out at a $1,000 payout per year.  Which is after you already paid for 50% for major services.

    There are so many factors that could be going on, some of them very sensitive, that are NONE of the LW's business.

    I suppose it's not a bad idea to say something to the teacher.  I wouldn't think poor dental care is something that has to be reported, but the teacher would be in a better position to talk to the mother.
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