Leave it alone

Casadena · February 27

Dear Prudence,

I have a friend who identifies as a vegetarian. I’ve never seen him eat meat and have no reason to doubt his commitment to a plant-based lifestyle. But on several recent occasions, he enthusiastically ordered and ate a Caesar salad. Now, I’m a vegetarian too—and so I happen to know that Caesar dressing almost always contains anchovies. (There are vegan alternatives, but they weren’t listed on the menu.) On occasions when I’ve seen him eating it, though, I have refrained from telling my friend that he was likely eating fish products.

My question: Should I have told him? And should I tell him now, so he knows in the future? If so, how do I bring it up? It feels a little rude to say, “Hey, you actually can’t eat that thing you obviously enjoy.” Although I’m a vegetarian, I, of course, believe people should be able to decide for themselves what to eat. What if he already knows that Caesar dressing contains anchovies and has simply decided his vegetarian principles are flexible enough to allow it? I don’t want to come across as shaming him for being an insufficiently committed vegetarian!

—Fishy Situation

banana468 · February 27

Let it go.

On the same train my understanding is that the rennet used to make some cheeses is from the intestines of an animal. And consequently that makes the cheese not vegetarian either. The only times I'd consider bringing it up is if a person had an actual sensitivity to the food used or if the person was so pompous and bombastic that advising them of the error was what they deserved.

ei34 · February 27

If he's annoying about the vegetarian lifestyle I'd want to point it out

if he wasn't I'd leave it, since he clearly doesn't have a health issue related to consuming seafood.

I don't eat meat often so I've shifted into vegetarian mode a couple of times (more for the sake of it, not a health/allergy/ethical thing), for a few months at a time here and there. And a couple months in I'd always forget and use chicken broth instead of vegetable broth when making a recipe - not making an excuse, but maybe an ingredient is trickier to keep track of? Like as opposed to ordering the caeser salad with grilled chicken? Where the protein is staring you in the face.

VarunaTT · February 27

OP sounds like a pompous vegetarian. Sometimes people don't know, forget, or they have ONE thing that they can't let go of. (A funny, every time I follow vegan/vegetarian boards people bemoan the loss of bacon, and some make an exception for it). And it's not OP's business what the reasoning is.

MyNameIsNot · February 27

It so doesn't matter, so leave it alone.

If you really, really must be an ass, wait until the next time you're about to order food and ask the server whether their caesar dressing has anchovy paste in front of him, order accordingly, and resume talking about whatever else you were talking about.

levioosa · February 27

I can tell a lot about LW from that first sentence, "I have a friend who identifies as a vegetarian." Like what a weird fucking way to say "My friend is vegetarian."

Anyways, I'm kind of with @ei34. If the friend is a dick about it all the time I'd probably point it out. If not, no worries.

I had a moment on Christmas where I was talking to my cousin's GF about her veganism. Luckily she wasn't an ass about it. I made some vegan cookies for her (no overt animal products) and then I started second guessing myself because I was like "Is cane sugar vegan? Why wouldn't it be?" and then I went down the rabbit hole of research and discovered some vegans won't eat regular cane sugar because of the bone char that is sometimes used to purify and whiten it. And I wanted to be nice but I wasn't about to make a trip to the vegan store across town during Christmas to search out special vegan approved sugar. I told her I made the cookies at home, without eggs or dairy, and I asked if she was picky with her sugar. Nope, she said, because if she was picky about that she literally couldn't eat anything outside of her home. I was curious so I asked her about honey because honestly that one I really don't understand. She told me that honey is one of the things she doesn't care about as long as it comes from an ethical dealer who doesn't use additives. Cool. I was curious but non-judgmental. I feel like LW is just judgmental and it's not actually based out of a place of concern. I don't hear them lamenting mashed potatoes, which at restaurants almost always have chicken broth in them.

Leave it alone

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