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Wedding Woes

I'd be out of there so fast

Dear Prudence,

I have been dating “James” for a while, and he has a 10-year-old daughter. We’ve gotten to the point of seriousness where he introduced me to her as a friend. The problem is, interactions with her make skin crawl. She still talks like a toddler. “Dada juicy juicy leese.” She still sucks her thumb and can’t work out the simplest problem. Dada needs to change the channel, change her out of her clothes, and do an entire labyrinthine ritual to get her to go to sleep. And she isn’t developmentally delayed! She code switches easily with her peers and other people to the point that I wonder about multiple personalities.

Her mother finds this “cute and charming.” James doesn’t like it but indulges it anyway. I’ve pointed out that this is beyond weird and that she is ruining her teeth with the pacifier, but James brushes me off. When I interact with her, I either ignore the baby behavior or treat her like an actual toddler. “Can she go to the potty like a big girl or does she need help?” This gets me a very negative reaction, but she will be in middle school next year. This is too much. What can I do, if anything?

—Bad Baby Talk

Re: I'd be out of there so fast

  • This is odd and awkward and if there is no explanation I'd be out. 

    At this point there's something going on if its consistent and it's manipulating.  And if she's thumb sucking or still using a pacifier at this point I'd quesiton if there's something noticed by a dentist because 10 is the age that many start to look at alignment and recommend phase 1 braces.

    From the rest the fact that this is happening and they act like it's normal make me feel the ick - like the parent child version of when Rachael wanted to date the dude who was super close with his sister. 
  • These parents are setting their daughter up to be dependent on them forever (shudder).

    The LW should not want any part of this.  It does not bode well for her future if she and James get serious enough for marriage or years together.  Because 20 years from now, she'll also be stuck pouring juice for and putting socks on a fully capable 30-year-old woman, lol.

    I'm only "kind of" kidding.  If this continues unfettered even if she grows out of some of it, she'll still expect to be waited on hand and foot. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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