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Wedding Woes

Maybe your daughter needs you

Dear Prudence,

My daughter just informed me of the death of her father, whom I divorced with much bitterness 10 years ago. The man was a worthless, narcissistic piece of shit who cheated on me repeatedly (including with my sister) and ruined my credit rating, which has only now just begun to recover. My daughter knew never to mention him in my presence and I hadn’t given a thought to the creep in years. Now she is pressuring me to attend the funeral because she insists I need to do so in order to achieve “closure.” I want absolutely nothing to do with him—not in life, not in death. How can I get the message across?

—Good Riddance

Re: Maybe your daughter needs you

  • I would say no to the funeral, but I'd offer to sit with her before/after or any other time she needed it.  
  • VarunaTT said:
    I would say no to the funeral, but I'd offer to sit with her before/after or any other time she needed it.  
    Yeah - sounds like this may be something your daughter is wanting and will need to acknowledge she isn't going to get.  So by offering this it's being there for your child while also saying you absolutely will not be putting yourself in a position to have the appearance of someone you aren't mourning in the slightest. 
  • Possible UO but I think I would sit with my daughter during the service and leave after it was over. You’re not there for him, you’re there for her. It’s not about you mourning him or supporting his life, you’re supporting your daughter. You don’t need to shed a tear or act like you’re sad. 


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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If DD needed me for emotional support, I would attend for her (not for him).  If she was encouraging me for closure, I'd assure her I didn't need it, and be there for her outside of the funeral itself.
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