ear Prudence,
My marriage ended a decade ago because my husband was having an affair. He eventually married the woman. It was a very difficult and stressful time for me, especially as my daughter had just gone away to college. But that was 10 years ago. I have since moved on. I went back to school, started a great career, and am seeing a wonderful man.
My daughter never had a warm relationship with her father’s wife, but her recent behavior is disturbing. My daughter is engaged and planning a destination wedding. However, my ex’s wife received the horrible news that she has cancer, and it is aggressive. She will need serious and immediate treatment and the prognosis isn’t good. My ex has begged our daughter to consider having the wedding stateside because he doesn’t want to leave the country while his wife is sick.
My daughter refuses. She says she doesn’t care and that if he doesn’t attend, it is proof that he doesn’t love her enough. My ex called me asking me to intervene and when I talked to my daughter, she didn’t deny any of it. She straight up said he needs to prove she is more important than his wife. I was shocked. I told my daughter that was petty and purposefully cruel. As hurt as I was back then, this woman most likely will die and my ex is going to have to watch. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my own worst enemy. My daughter snapped at me and said that I couldn’t judge her. Now she refuses to speak about the subject. I feel completely lost. It is very hard to be cheerful about wedding details when there is so much spite under the surface. What do I do here?
—Shocked and Sad