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Dying to know how this turns out

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My friend is getting married this year. I’m so happy for her, and I can tell how happy she and her fiancé are. The issue is her fiancé’s family. We are all very liberal and his family are intense MAGA Republicans. She has been great at setting boundaries with them (her fiancé less so, his family mistreats him and he doesn’t stand up to them when they come for her).

Now, to the situation at hand. I have a signature jacket that I love. It has a very leftist political message on the back. My friend, the bride, has asked that I wear it to the wedding. I am THRILLED to do so. Most people on her fiancé’s side will definitely be less thrilled. I’m fine with this—I firmly believe in making bigots uncomfortable, especially in public spaces since the current administration is making public racism, transphobia, and general bigotry “cool again.”

My friend told me that if anyone comes up to me and says anything about my jacket, I can send them her way. I don’t think I’ll do that for two reasons: She’s the bride and should enjoy her wedding and not deal with bigots whose precious feelings are hurt by a jacket, and also, I have zero problems fielding any complaints. So, what’s the etiquette around honoring a bride’s request for her wedding even if it might make other guests uncomfortable or angry?

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Re: Dying to know how this turns out

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I did a wedding ceremony for some friends.  They are a queer couple and are very liberal.  The groom's family was VERY conservative and his father was a preacher.  Texas Southern Baptist.  I was writing the ceremony and had a meeting with the groom to discuss how he wanted me to handle this, b/c based on my knowledge of them and other discussions about the ceremony, they wanted a ceremony that honored their queerness.  Groom told me to write the queerest ceremony that I could come up with and he'd handle any blowback.  I had no intention of the "handling" part to be on him, but I wrote the ceremony they wanted....probably even leaned into a bit more than I usually would have.

    His father came up to me after the ceremony.  He introduced himself, shook my hand, and said, "The ceremony was very them.  Good job."  He was obviously uncomfortable and I could tell he really had to try.  I quickly shook off my surprise and thanked him.  I respected him a lot, TBH, that he sat with his discomfort and made a point to tell me good job.

    All to say, wear the jacket and bean dip any assholes that come your way.  Absolutely don't let the bride know, but you might have a game plan with a friend or other wedding party member to help handle anything.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @VarunaTT I appreciate your point of view.

    My initial thought was that it seems like the bride is almost looking to stir up shit and I just question the motivation of someone who turns the wedding into a visual cause.  

    I totally love what you did officiating the wedding - but I also just question sometimes if both members of the couple aren't on board. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    @VarunaTT I appreciate your point of view.

    My initial thought was that it seems like the bride is almost looking to stir up shit and I just question the motivation of someone who turns the wedding into a visual cause.  

    I totally love what you did officiating the wedding - but I also just question sometimes if both members of the couple aren't on board. 
    I feel the same way.  I also find @VarunaTT's story...as great as it is because it shows there is hope...to be a different situation than the LW's.

    VarunaTT's story was about something integral to the wedding ceremony and the couple...their vows.

    This is about a guest purposely wearing a jacket for no other reason than to stir shit up, though I realize it is at the bride's request.  I assume the LW hasn't even met these people and have just heard about them from the bride, yet is already raring to have a verbal fight. Also, did the bride and LW talk to the GROOM?!?!  Is he okay with it?  Because that's whose family they are talking about.  The LW doesn't talk about how the groom feels, so I'm assuming he doesn't know.
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