Dear Prudence,
After recently splitting with my wife, I moved into an apartment in a six-unit apartment building. The day I moved in, a neighbor, “Amanda,” introduced herself explaining that everyone in the building helps out the elderly couple on the first floor because they have mobility issues. I said I’d of course help when I could because I thought it meant occasionally taking out their trash or cleaning snow off their car in the winter. Turns out, this isn’t about neighborly helpfulness. It’s an obligation. Amanda presented me with a chore calendar! I asked what would happen if I was out of town when, say, I was expected to do their shopping. No problem, Amanda said. Just ask to swap “duties” with someone else.
I want to be a helpful person but I have work, my kids, and life, and I didn’t sign up to be anyone’s caregiver. I emailed my landlord and said that if this is an expectation, I would like it written into my lease as a rider with consideration for my time reflected in my rent. She replied there was no obligation and she didn’t want to get involved. On one hand, I have zero interest in any of this. On the other hand, I’ll be the jerk who won’t help the elderly neighbors if I say no. Am I out of line for balking at being roped into unpaid labor here?