Dear Prudence,
My ex-wife never got along well with our son. I wasn’t a perfect parent, but she was strict and controlling to the point where I considered holding off on divorce because I knew he wouldn’t enjoy her half of custody. Lest I sound like sour divorced grapes, I’ll just give some examples: She didn’t let him choose his own clothes for each day—in high school. She tried to get him to quit baseball (where he was thriving) and take up soccer because she’d always wanted to play soccer and her parents never let her. She was shocked when I didn’t sit in on his yearly physicals as a teen but I know teen boys need privacy at the doctor. I intervened where I could but that stuff isn’t abusive in the eyes of the court.
I encouraged him to go to an affordable college with some distance from us both. We helped with costs but he did have to get loans. His relationship with his mom worsened with his increased independence and I tried hard to be supportive but stay out of it. He graduated this spring and is doing well in his new job. He mentioned they weren’t getting along but I didn’t push. Then she called me and blew up at me about how he’s not visiting her for Christmas and won’t speak to her, and she has no idea why. I think she has to know why, but she won’t stop complaining to me about it. How do I strike the right balance here?
—Unsurprised