You dont' owe anyone an explanation
Dear Prudence,
Not long ago, my 6-year-old daughter “Kendra” went over to play with a classmate of hers, “Cory,” who lives around the corner from us. Cory’s parents have a pool in their backyard. Even though Kendra knows how to swim and they have fencing around it, I made it clear that there needs to be an adult present when the kids are playing there, which they agreed to.
About a half an hour after I dropped Kendra off, I received a call from Cory’s mother, “Sandy.”
She said that I needed to come get Kendra because she had fallen into the pool. She was all right, Sandra assured me, just soaked. I grabbed a change of clothes for my daughter and drove over. As it turned out, Sandy had needed to change her baby son’s diaper while out in the backyard watching the kids. She asked her 11-year-old son, “Brian,” who was out with them, to keep an eye on Kendra and Cory while she was gone. Brian then took the opportunity to push the kids into the pool as they were playing with a remote-control boat. They had apparently tattled on him earlier for taking extra cookies from the kitchen and this was how he chose to get back at them.
After this, I no longer am comfortable letting Kendra play at Cory’s. Even though Sandra apologized and grounded Brian for a month, this was a safety issue that mattered to me and she didn’t respect my wishes. Kendra is upset with me now that she can’t go to Cory’s anymore. Both my husband and Sandra think I’m taking this too far. Am I in the right here?
—Safety Matters
Re: You dont' owe anyone an explanation
On the surface it seemed like the rules were being followed but I think the rules need to be tightened. I feel for Sandra because she's clearly remorseful, has issued punishment and the kids are the one who suffer.
I'd want to know exactly how long Sandra was gone while this occurred. If it was really just for the length of a diaper change I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
I don't think the LW is necessarily wrong here but I don't think Sandra is bad either.
In my head as the mother of kids near the 11 yo in age my thought is that pushing a 6 yo in means the kid is old enough to swim to the side of the pool. So doing it was a clear way to annoy kids and get their day clothing wet.
If it were me, I would say Cory needs to start coming to play at our house instead.