so much MYOB

Casadena · May 15

Dear Prudence,

One of my best friends is going through a difficult patch in her marriage. They have two young kids, both work full-time, and she definitely carries the mental load. She has said they don’t communicate well, and that she is open to marriage counseling. However, she said it’s one thing too many for her to take on, so for them to go, he has to make the effort to do it. Apparently, he has suggested counseling in the past but never followed through. I think if they don’t, they are headed toward divorce.

Should I tell my friend’s husband he needs to do this, or stay out of it and watch them struggle? I’m not really friends with him, but we are cordial when we see each other. I don’t really want to get in the middle of it, but I also know she will lean heavily on me if they ever did get divorced, so part of me feels like I should tell him for my own sake.

—Concerned Friend

VarunaTT · May 15

Woooooow, way to make your friend's marriage about you? Work on creating some distance that you need, but stay out of her marriage.

banana468 · May 15

Create boundaries and walls with your friends so they don't drag you into conflict.

And practice the art of asking if your friends want you to be involved or just want you to be an ear.

ei34 · May 15

Yikes! Back aaalll the way up and out of her business, jeez

mrsconn23 · May 15

You only tell him if he walks up to you and asks, “do you think I should schedule therapy for Amy and me? Would she want that?” And then you can say, “yep, it’s a great idea and as her bff, I think she’s probably open to it.”

Otherwise, STFU.

Furthermore, you need to stop projecting what might happen in the future. Figure out your own boundaries without putting it on her.

MyNameIsNot · May 15

He's watching her struggle and doing the bulk of the work, and knows that counselling would likely be the only way to save their marriage, and has decided it's not important enough to bother. What makes you think some meddling friend is going to make him care?

Also, "she's going to lean on me" if her marriage ends is a peak shitty reason to try to prolong their marriage. You're a trash friend, LW.

charlotte989875 · May 15

Honestly? You sound like a bad friend. If your friends marriage is falling apart, she’s working full time, taking care of kids, and doing the majority of the mental load already what you’re worried about isn’t how she will handle another major stressor but how you’re going to have to be there for her? With friends like these…

but also yah don’t say anything to him. If he wanted to do it he would find a way.

so much MYOB

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