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"You're just a slutty lying liar who lies"

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

All my life, I have struggled with being dishonest. I often find it easier to tell a “white lie” (or a not-so-white lie) in order to get what I want or avoid confrontation. A few months ago, I wanted a day at the spa. I knew my husband would put up a fuss about my spending so much money, so I told him I was going somewhere else and went to the spa anyway.

Recently my husband was checking our bank records, found the payment for the spa visit, and flipped out. He’s now questioning my integrity about everything. I understand why, but the most painful thing is that I am pregnant with our first child, which he now says he cannot be sure is his. We were both surprised when I conceived because our travel schedules have meant we haven’t been intimate much. But I haven’t had sex with any other man since I’ve been with my husband, and I don’t know how he can think this baby is not his. I know that gaining his trust again will be difficult. But is there any way I can at least convince him that this baby is his?

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Re: "You're just a slutty lying liar who lies"

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're terrible at communicating and if you don't get in front of this now you're going to be a terrible parent.

    How about honesty, a paternity test and a therapist? 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This isn't just about a spa day, there's been other things and he's had it.  Go get a paternity test and then counseling for you definitely and maybe couples, depending on where you end up.  
    �
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This sounds like some deep-rooted, LW needs to do inner-child work shit. Struggling with lying your entire life makes me think there was a lot shame and/or secrets that occurred in their early life. 

    And there’s no time like the present since LW is about to become a parent themselves. Just for funsies, I do know an in-utero paternity test is about $1500ish. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 15
    I'll say it. You should not be bringing a kid into this marriage. 

    Get a DNA test, but proving you told the truth once is not going to save your marriage. But also, asking Prudie how you can prove that the kid is his suggests that the obvious isn't going to work for you. Unreliable narrator and all. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah. You can prove it by a DNA test.
    but what I want to know is - you went to an expensive spa, charged it to the joint bank account and just hoped he’d gloss over it? I know it’s not about the spa, but c’mon

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah, in addition to lying the financial risks she's taking are concerning if she ostriches.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1- If you want to go to a spa and he thinks it’s too expensive you should work out how to do it in a way that’s finically responsible (save, fewer treatments, less expensive spa). If it’s shared money you should both get a day in how it’s spent. 

    2- but lying isn’t okay to get what you want. It sounds like you lied twice here- once if you agreed not to go and again when you lied about where you were. None of that is okay. 

    This is bigger than the spa; if your lying regularly then your spouse may have a right to question your integrity, and the result might be that they won’t ever trust you. 
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