This isn’t a “problem” per se (yet!), but something I’d love some perspective on. My partner and I are serious and have said we’d like to get married in the future, but are not engaged yet. When we discussed it, my partner said he loved the idea of being married to me (yay), but he hates the idea of the wedding ceremony itself. My partner dislikes being the center of attention, and he has real anxiety around public speaking, so hates the traditional idea of ceremony where a lot of people look at us and there’s an expectation of uttering vows and giving speeches. I am by no means a traditional person in most areas of my life, but I have been in abusive relationships in the past where I was shamed and hidden by partners and told—explicitly and implicitly—that I wasn’t good enough.
Because of that, I’m now pretty attached to the idea of the public ceremony where my partner chooses me in front of others, and I spent so long believing I wasn’t worthy of romance or normal displays of affection that I think I’d feel quite sad to have an elopement or tiny ceremony where it felt like we were hiding a bit. I don’t buy into the idea of a wedding being “The Bride’s Big Day” and my desire does not outweigh my partner’s, but I’d like us both to be able to have our values and desires fulfilled on our wedding day. How do we think about this, are there any obvious compromises or alternatives?