Beggars can't be choosers?

Casadena · May 29

My mother-in-law has been incredibly helpful in caring for our son, “Danny.” She’s a sweet, lovely woman, but there’s one problem.

She curses more than a shipload of sailors. Danny is six months old now, and I am dreading the prospect of his first word being something unrepeatable that he learned from her. My MIL says she can’t help it—she’s been talking this way her entire life. According to her, “A day without talkin’ shit would be like a day without breathin’.” To make matters worse, my husband actually WANTS our son’s first word to be an obscenity because he thinks it would be hilarious! What am I supposed to do here?

banana468 · May 29

Lots of kids grow up hearing curse words. I'd be much more worried if the words were racial/ethnic slurs or some of the latest out of the WH podium.

At some point, you have the conversation that some words are ok for Grandma to say but there are other words for Danny to use.

When we were younger we called it VCR language. The point was that it was OK to hear in the movies but not to repeat.

levioosa · May 29

I mean hearing a baby say fuck is like, pretty fucking funny. But I get it. I try to keep the swearing around bff’s kids to a minimum because I get the context, but they may not. Being able to learn communication in the absence of swear words is also helpful as they develop. But yeah, hands down would rather have a curse word over a racial slur and curse words aren’t inherently evil or bad. And I would much rather have a sweet, supporting, lovely MIL who swears over a racist bigot who is prim and proper.

short+sassy · May 30

The BEST is that this baby has a loving and doting grandmother, even if she would make a sailor blush. But I'm sympathetic to the OP also, even if I think she's being a little over dramatic about it. But her MIL and H are both being totally dismissive about her concerns which isn't right either.

For example, it's fair the MIL has said she won't be able to cut out all of the profanity when she's with her grandson. However, I'm sure she could cut back on it but isn't even willing to try.

I think her H should be backing her up on that. Like, "I get it, mom. You're not going to be able to completely stop swearing. We're just asking if you can cut back on the frequency."

I would also BET there are times when the MIL can control her swearing just fine. The LW and her H should reference those times as an example that she does have some control over her swearing.

It's also unlikely the baby's first words are going to be a swear word. It's much more likely to be, "No!" Enjoy LW, H, and MIL, lol. For fun, I looked up the 15 most common first words. It amuses me that two of them are related to dogs:

Mama
Dada
Papa
Ball (may be pronounced “ba”)
Bye
Uh-oh
Hi
No
Dog (may be pronounced “dah”)
Bottle (may be pronounced “bah” or “bah-bah”)
Baby
Woof woof
Banana (may be pronounced “nana”)
Bubble (may be pronounced “buh-buh)
Milk

banana468 · May 30

Oh I think the MIL is entirely dismissive.

But I also think that just as it's "Cute" to hear the "Sonofabitch this fucking lunch box won't open" from a 3 yo eventually that 3 yo will turn around and say, "Nana that's a BAD WORD!"

Point being: You can teach your kid that the words are wrong. "Nana my parents tell me that only you get to use those words"

And then you may get someone like my child who 9 years ago at 5 yo walked up to my MIL and said, "Nonnie.....sometimes my mom says g-ddammit."

MyNameIsNot · May 30

It's just a fucking word. or words.

Your kid is going to hear swears, whether from grandma, a movie, or a guy walking down the street. Your job is to teach your kid about what is and is not appropriate for them to say.

Beggars can't be choosers?

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