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Try not to project

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

I lost my girlfriend to anorexia when we were both 23. She really fought to beat it, but it was just too much for her in the end. Going through that opened my eyes to how easy it is for disordered eating to get passed off as being “health-conscious.”

Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve been seeing a lot of guys my age getting really obsessed with dieting and weight. Most of the time, I try to ignore it, but I’m getting worried about my friend “James.” A few years ago, he started this super strict diet, and it just seems to get more extreme over time. He talks about “toxins” a lot, and it feels like he’s always changing what he’s eating or doing, but never really explains why. I also see how he’s started working out differently. He’s way more focused on it than before—and not in a good way.

I’m not sure if it’s my place to say anything, but I’m worried he’s slipping into some unhealthy habits. Everyone else just praises him for getting “cut” at 32, but I think it’s going too far. I don’t know if he sees it, and I just don’t want him to end up like my ex.

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Re: Try not to project

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It’s not. Your place to say anything. 

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2025
    It's a really touchy subject.  I probably couldn't help myself to gently say something once.  But more in a vein like, "James, I know you've been on a very strict diet for a long time.  But if you haven't already spoken to a doctor or nutritionist, it's a good idea to.  JUST to make sure you're getting all the nutrients you need for optimal health."

    I have a friend who is rarely hungry.  She's always been like that.  For the most part, she's always been happy with her weight and has never gone on a diet to lose weight.  But ngl, I occasionally find the lack of calories she eats concerning.  She will sometimes go an entire day and not eat any food.  Not on purpose, but she's not hungry so she forgets.  She'll describe it that she'll suddenly be famished around noon the next day and then it hits her she hadn't eaten anything the day before.

    With that said, she's in decent health and has been doing this for the 10ish years I've known her and long before that.  So I try not to let it worry me.  But I do gently suggest it's important she has some food every day which she 100% agrees with it but it still happens a few times a month.  I suggested once she set a reminder on her phone that pops up around 5pm, to eat if she hasn't already.

    I think of it more as if it's something important I think they should consider or info they may not know about, I'll say something once.  But then I drop it unless they bring it up.  They're grown adults who need to choose for themselves how they want to live their lives.
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