Are you not providing food?

Casadena · June 12

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have an 18-month-old who is regularly cared for by our wonderful sitter, “I Ivy.” Ivy is great with our son, kind, and extremely reliable. The problem? She likes to help herself to things in the fridge. I get that she’s a college student and on a budget, but there have been times when she’s used stuff that was intended to be served with our dinner. Should I say something to Ivy, or just look the other way and chalk this up as worth it to have a really good babysitter?

—Snack Attacked

banana468 · June 12

You need to set the terms of the sitting.

I don't think that you need to provide food to the sitters in the way that employers don't feed their employees. But I think you can/need to provide storage for the food that they bring and set an expectation of what is and isn't for their consumption just like you'd set limits on where they can eat.

MyNameIsNot · June 12

Maybe times have changed, but I was always told to eat X, Y or Z when I was a babysitter. Maybe not a professional nanny, but I'd expect to have some snacks and sandwich stuff available for a college student.

banana468 · June 12

MyNameIsNot said:

Maybe times have changed, but I was always told to eat X, Y or Z when I was a babysitter. Maybe not a professional nanny, but I'd expect to have some snacks and sandwich stuff available for a college student.

Right. If nothing is stated then IMO it's not the student's fault. When you work for someone in their home it's a gray area.

charlotte989875 · June 13

Oh yah LW is super wrong here. You pay the nanny and you pay for food. Honestly you should be asking what kind of food she would like you to have at the house for her.

CharmedPam · June 13

I was about to argue “but this is your sister! It’s different!”

Oh. Sitter. It’s only 7:30 am here. I’m not awake.

depending on the times I babysat, everyone always told me to help myself! Do people not do that?

charlotte989875 · June 13

CharmedPam said:

I was about to argue “but this is your sister! It’s different!”
Oh. Sitter. It’s only 7:30 am here. I’m not awake.

depending on the times I babysat, everyone always told me to help myself! Do people not do that?

We absolutely do. And if it’s over a meal we either order a pizza or schedule a DoorDash delivery for whatever they want.

banana468 · June 13

charlotte989875 said:

CharmedPam said:

I was about to argue “but this is your sister! It’s different!”
Oh. Sitter. It’s only 7:30 am here. I’m not awake.

depending on the times I babysat, everyone always told me to help myself! Do people not do that?

We absolutely do. And if it’s over a meal we either order a pizza or schedule a DoorDash delivery for whatever they want.

Yeah we'd do the same.

I think the only time I'd start to question is like, is the nanny/sitter pulling out lamb chops and meatballs?

short+sassy · June 13

The LW should have "easy to grab/make" food/beverages available for the sitter. But it's also okay to ask Ivy not to eat XYZ, because those things are going to be used for dinner later or any other reason they don't want that food eaten.

Casadena · June 13

I thought Prudie had a decent response here. Basically suggesting that maybe they are an "ingredient" household where most food around is designated for a meal/recipe - as opposed to a "snack" household where things are available as is - and if they are, they should make sure there are things the babysitter knows they can eat. So maybe that's why she's eating those carrots or leftover spaghetti or whatever

ei34 · June 13

My kids' baby-sitter knows where the snacks are and helps herself. I don't usually need her at a meal time, but the couple of times she was with the kids at a time they sat for a meal, I made sure that I made enough for her too.

Are you not providing food?

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