Monday

ei34 · July 14

How was everyone’s weekend?

Wishing you all a smooth work week!

ei34 · July 14

Weekend was nice, lots of really great family time and I think the kids spent more time in the water than on land lol.

Visiting pregnant sis later today so doing some cooking for her now.

A low stakes WWWWD: the twins’ birthday is this Friday and their friend party is on Thursday at the local pool. (Yes it’s a joint party, no they don’t mind. They have a lot of the same friends.) I was leaning towards not doing favors. Then i thought maybe I’d donate to a charity they both like (a local dog shelter) in their names, in lieu of a favor. Is that still considered tacky? I remember on TK’s favors board some used to say it was fine to skip a favor but tacky to make a big “in lieu of a favor we have donated …” announcement. That was like 2012 lol, has that mindset changed? I can also grab a bunch of inflatable beach balls and individually wrapped Rice Krispie treats though and put a favor together. Some of the favors these days have gone over the top…other kid parties they don’t get one (and don’t miss it). Thoughts?

Casadena · July 14

I'm team no favors! Unless its something small and edible like the rice krispie treat or a cupcake to take home that I don't have to store anywhere.

Weekend was good! College friend and her fam came over to play on Saturday morning, we've seen each other a few times since we graduated and talk all the time, but our kiddos have never met! Then our neighborhood besties rode bikes by and the kiddos ran out and they played for a bit. Yesterday we went to the zoo and put the boys new "soft friend jail" (stuffed animal storage thing with bungee cords) together and hung up some pictures in their room. Just a couple things left and their room will be done!

All the boys (H included) slept way too late this morning and i could not get them to get moving. Then of course everyone was rushed and snapping at each other. Not my fave way to start a Monday.

We're headed to the pool after school today and going to a movie event tomorrow night. Should be a nice week!

MyNameIsNot · July 14

I'm out of the loop on kid stuff, but I would lean to just skipping favors. It seems like everyone, especially kids, have more than enough stuff already. I do like the idea of teaching kids that a birthday is a good time to reflect and donate, but I would think of it more as a new tradition for the kiddos versus something that is a favor to their friends.

Weekend here was nice. MIL was visiting. I'm glad she finally got the memo to come on a weekend instead of during the week. We went to the botanical gardens Saturday and a nice lunch, and then went up to the mountains for a bit yesterday. She did remind me yesterday about how much she bothers me with her weird food stuff. She acts like eating more than one meal a day is outrageous gluttony. I hate that she's already teaching my niece that crap. There's nothing I can do about it, though.

banana468 · July 14

Mom here - I hate favors but the kids love them.

If you're going to opt out, I'd give the kids a something to take home. They're popular enough with my kids that they want a goodie bag from their own birthday parties. As a grown up I just do not care. For younger kids I think they feel like they're missing something but I think a Rice Krispie treat is FINE. If anything as a mother I'd rather one treat vs. the bag of extra plastic junk.

charlotte989875 · July 14

Team “snacks to take home” for favors. Or something useable like bubbles or chalk because we go through those all the time.

Weekend was good. Busy, hot, humid but we had a good time. Baby J tried his first snow cone and was a big fan!

CharmedPam · July 14

Food and reusable items sound like a good win @ei34. I went to a holiday party and my friend put together a themed bag for me and I literally went home to toss a bunch of stuff. $ store items like paper, hand lotion, pens etc. Adults don’t want that!
i’m sorry your niece is going through that @MyNameIsNot my mom monitored my food growing up too and guess who ended up with an eating disorder and snuck food whenever she could? l(which turned out to be a lot of times) This girl!

So.

2020 we had covid 19. 2025 we’re gearing up for the bubonic plague? Yaaaay.
That was a sarcastic yay.

banana468 · July 14

CharmedPam said:

Food and reusable items sound like a good win @ei34. I went to a holiday party and my friend put together a themed bag for me and I literally went home to toss a bunch of stuff. $ store items like paper, hand lotion, pens etc. Adults don’t want that!
i’m sorry your niece is going through that @MyNameIsNot my mom monitored my food growing up too and guess who ended up with an eating disorder and snuck food whenever she could? l(which turned out to be a lot of times) This girl!

So.
2020 we had covid 19. 2025 we’re gearing up for the bubonic plague? Yaaaay.
That was a sarcastic yay.

The good news is that I think it's actually treatable. But way back when Shakespeare was alive they didn't have antibiotics.

charlotte989875 · July 14

MyNameIsNot said:

I'm out of the loop on kid stuff, but I would lean to just skipping favors. It seems like everyone, especially kids, have more than enough stuff already. I do like the idea of teaching kids that a birthday is a good time to reflect and donate, but I would think of it more as a new tradition for the kiddos versus something that is a favor to their friends.

Weekend here was nice. MIL was visiting. I'm glad she finally got the memo to come on a weekend instead of during the week. We went to the botanical gardens Saturday and a nice lunch, and then went up to the mountains for a bit yesterday. She did remind me yesterday about how much she bothers me with her weird food stuff. She acts like eating more than one meal a day is outrageous gluttony. I hate that she's already teaching my niece that crap. There's nothing I can do about it, though.

This is my mom too. I hate it but what I’ve found is she stops if I just don’t say anything. I think what she wants is someone to react, positively or negatively so I just don’t. She’s so weird about food and not to diagnose but I think she’s developed an eating disorder (which is sad she just turned 70 and she can’t enjoy food or her body.) but I’m not playing into it.

Casadena · July 14

H had an interview this morning for a lateral move at his company. Would appreciate any good vibes you can afford to send! He NEEDS something new and this feels like a really good opportunity to leverage his experience but move in a new direction. Fingers crossed things go well!!!!!

banana468 · July 14

Casadena said:

H had an interview this morning for a lateral move at his company. Would appreciate any good vibes you can afford to send! He NEEDS something new and this feels like a really good opportunity to leverage his experience but move in a new direction. Fingers crossed things go well!!!!!

Fingers X!!

DH at least has an appointment with his GP next week and will try to get it to be a same day appt tomorrow.

We just don't know what's wrong. None of the bloodwork is coming back as super problematic except for elevated but not toxic B6. And that's a concern but does it explain ALL his symptoms? He can't sleep, has mental fatigue, pain in his neck and what he describes as vascular pain in his hands and forearms and feet. Yesterday he needed a nap and even after it was just looking terrible.

He's hesitant to leave the GP but I'm angry at the level of care he's getting and petrified that something catastrophic is wrong with my husband that's going undiagnosed.

VarunaTT · July 14

Yeah, living with my mother while I'm finally working through addressing my own food issues has been interesting. B/c it's like OH...that's where that one is from. I finally told her the other day that she's 86, who cares if she's "overweight". I asked her who she was tracking her weight for and she was utterly confused. Just eat the damn candy bar and ice cream, you're on a limited time frame here. Enjoy yourself already.

My aunt is here visiting. She'll keep mom out of my hair for a few days and that's going to be nice. They were gone yesterday and I was able to wash out Harley's litterboxes (a chore I was dreading b/c I was afraid mom was going to wig out that I do this at the sink) and a bunch of prep cooking finished without having to exist around other people. I had a podcast on and was just jamming out, just me and Harley. The rest of the weekend was okay. I re-did my roots and chopped off a LOT of hair into a mullet/shag. It looks pretty great and now that the shape is right, I'll just keep growing it out. I'm looking a bit rough right now: I had to move my threading appointment and whew at my eye wrinkles, but I'm testing out new eye creams right now. Plus I'd been in a salon chair for like...5 hours at this point.

May be an image of 1 person

MNNEBride · July 14

The weekend was good here. DH has had several "good days," and I'm so thankful for that.

Friday, late afternoon, we did a test drive at a local dealership. DH was able to go and make sure the vehicle worked with his mobility limitations. We decided to pull the trigger and completed paperwork and such. I wasn't totally prepared for the finalizing of things, so we had to go back Saturday morning. On the way home, we picked up pizza and celebrated the purchase of a new vehicle. I cleaned out our car and dug out the title for trade-in. Also grabbed the checkbook as I rarely use it.

Saturday morning, I returned to the dealership, dropped off our old vehicle, wrote two giant checks (down payment and final cost of vehicle), got instructions on some of the bells and whistles and drove off the lot.

We had planned to go to the city on Sunday to visit DH's sister. So we loaded up the new RAV4 with a sister, niece and grand-niece and headed up. Got used to some of the features and functions. We now have 130 miles on it LOL.

Today I finished financing, called insurance, and the dealership, as we forgot to grab something from the old car. We'll have to tighten the budget, but having a reliable vehicle is worth it.

This week, I have regular stuff. I have a nail appointment tomorrow and a homeowner's association meeting. Friday and Saturday evenings, I have HS class reunion get-togethers. On Saturday, we have a celebration of life for one of DH's friends. On Sunday, DH has an MRI on his foot. It's weird to get a Sunday appointment, but they have extended their hours due to demand.

MyNameIsNot · July 14

charlotte989875 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I'm out of the loop on kid stuff, but I would lean to just skipping favors. It seems like everyone, especially kids, have more than enough stuff already. I do like the idea of teaching kids that a birthday is a good time to reflect and donate, but I would think of it more as a new tradition for the kiddos versus something that is a favor to their friends.

Weekend here was nice. MIL was visiting. I'm glad she finally got the memo to come on a weekend instead of during the week. We went to the botanical gardens Saturday and a nice lunch, and then went up to the mountains for a bit yesterday. She did remind me yesterday about how much she bothers me with her weird food stuff. She acts like eating more than one meal a day is outrageous gluttony. I hate that she's already teaching my niece that crap. There's nothing I can do about it, though.

This is my mom too. I hate it but what I’ve found is she stops if I just don’t say anything. I think what she wants is someone to react, positively or negatively so I just don’t. She’s so weird about food and not to diagnose but I think she’s developed an eating disorder (which is sad she just turned 70 and she can’t enjoy food or her body.) but I’m not playing into it.

This is exactly what it is! She plays into this "I'm so tiny, I just can't eat much food" trope and it's fucking weird. Of course H responds by constantly offering her food which plays right into it.

But now 7 y/o niece wants to be tiny and cute, so she's copying the same behavior, and SIL is fine with it because "girls are supposed to be small."

CharmedPam · July 14

Rght @banana468, I kinda forgot about modern medicine lol
GL to H @Casadena, this will help him and also you!
@MNNEBride congrats on the new set of wheels
@VarunaTT, love the cut/color. I think those are smile lines everyone gets when they smile. I have them too! What cream though? I bought two promising ones and I don’t see a difference.
I also sleep on one side more, and people working on me always ask. My hair is thinner on that side, my eyebrows have a faded microblade on that side and I have prominent lines under my eye on that side. I did buy a pillow that’s cut where your face isn’t on it, but it’s uncomfortable and I woke up sliding off of it lol.

VarunaTT · July 14

@CharmedPam I think I had a reaction to the niacinaminde system I was using, but only on the skin around my eyes. I haven't used anything in an attempt to get that skin to heal. I have a new retinol cream I'm using and I can see an improvement. I stopped using Clinique eye firming cream in favor of something stronger, and if this doesn't look better after a month, I'm going back to that. I had nothing, no crow's feet or anything, on that and the hoods didn't feel so damn heavy either. I really like the cleanser from La Roche Posay though, so I might stick with that.

CharmedPam · July 14

@VarunaTT, I got prescription tretinoin, and it really stung around the eyes. I didn’t like it, it was to harsh for that area. I’m switching from anti-age eye cream and trinny london’s take back time. I also have clarins double eye serum but that’s kinda used all over because I always pump out more than needed.

short+sassy · July 14

@CharmedPam, I was just watching a documentary about the bubonic plague yesterday, lol. I also read an article a couple months ago that the plague had about a 70% fatality rate but, of the people who survived, about half of them had an autoimmune disorder.

As someone with three autoimmune disorders, I found that really interesting. My immune system is clearly dysfunctional, but it has also always been a lot stronger than the average person's. Anecdotal and not necessarily true for everyone with an autoimmune disorder. But I have sometimes wondered if having an especially strong immune system is sometimes a factor for developing those kinds of conditions.

If the Plague comes back, it might be just me, Keith Richards, and the cockroaches who are left, lmao.

@banana468, good luck to you all. I'm sorry to hear they still haven't figured out what is wrong with your DH. It's an awful and scary place to be in.

@Casadena, good luck to your H!

@MNNEBride, congrats on the new car!

levioosa · July 14

@short+sassy yes! There’s a lot of theory that the bubonic plague shaped our evolution in regards to basically selecting for autoimmune disease genes. It’s also similar to sickle cell and malaria. Bubonic plague is usually treatable with antibiotics now (however in continuing world dumpster fire news it’s also becoming antibiotic resistant) if you catch it in time.

Weekend was decent. We saw the new Jurassic Park movie which was terrible. Having a movie theater with drinks helped us get through it lol. Last night H had a night terror and ran head first into our window and broke it. Initially I was super worried because it’s an old house and it isn’t safety glass and I was sure we were headed for a 911 call when I flipped on the light. Luckily the tint coating we have on the window kept it together or it could have been really bad. It was scary in the moment but this morning as he’s okay the memory of the consecutive sounds and flailing in the dark are a little funny. I told him I’m going to have to put him in a straitjacket sleeping bag a la Mike Birbiglia.

Sending good vibes! @Casadena

I think you’re fine without favors @ei34.

@banana468 sending you guys hugs. The average person with an autoimmune disease will see 4+ doctors and on average it can take 3-5 years after symptom onset for a diagnosis. It’s so frustrating and disheartening. I absolutely hate as a primary care provider doing the tests, trying the specialists, and having patients return without answers. There’s so often where I have to tell a patient “I’m so sorry, I know this is hard, how you are feeling is real, but the tests aren’t showing us any clarity. That doesn’t mean it’s not real, it just means we don’t know where or how to look yet.” And because in depth testing is out of my knowledge depth (and always gets denied anyways as a PCP office) we get stuck just trying to manage symptoms. As someone with a chronic autoimmune official dx and probably 2-4 more undiagnosed suspected autoimmune dx, I get how incredibly frustrating it is. House was on when I was young and I used to cry just wishing I had a House who could just figure it out for me because I was tired of everything. This is also how we get crazy MAHA people because you do get desperate for answers and relief over time. And frankly sometimes our health system and medical knowledge is a failure. *hugs*

banana468 · July 14

Thank you all so much. DH has seen how it's easy to get full into the Reddit MAHA rabbit hole.

He's had ANA testing (I think that's it?) and a slew of bloodwork plus we're trying to figure out why B6 is elevated but he's adamant that while it's elevated the symptoms he's having are similar to but not for elevated B6 and his level is not toxic.

He's feeling guilt-ridden that he's absent from wanting to do things this summer including even a fast boat ride (not speedy wind in hair but not a full day on the water and he wants to do NOTHING. ) He cancelled concert tickets that we had two weeks ago and even now, the idea of going out to dinner just the two of us makes him miserable.

I am ready to be in a waiting room banging on a pot with a wooden spoon yelling at his doctor. I don't know what to do. I want the fun husband/dad back.

levioosa · July 14

@banana468 it’s so hard when you don’t know what’s going on or how bad a flare will be or when it will happen. Canceling plans creates a lot of internal shame, guilt, anxiety, and anger. If he doesn’t have a therapist who specializes in chronic pain or autoimmune disease that might be worth having. He’s kind of early on in whatever is happening, so it might be worth keeping a daily log for 1-3 months that tracks food, symptoms, sleep, and activity levels. Sometimes the trends show themselves over time. It’s not always the next day after a big event. Sometimes it takes a few days to wake up and realize you just can’t do it. It’s not a cure by any means but it helps you maneuver through life. I know for vacations or big events I have to plan the week or two ahead with enough sleep, eating extra healthy, and being extra cautious on how much energy I’m expending. Sometimes I even take an extra day or two before a trip or big event so I can sleep more, pack slowly, and have time to take long breaks. And I always recommend trying to maintain some physical activity as much as is tolerated before a flare is triggered. It’s a time intensive process to figure that out too, but once you have a better idea it makes it easier to navigate through life and being active helps to keep you active. It’s not a perfect method and sometimes flares sneak up or surprise you with seemingly no triggers, but having some tools and knowledge to help you prepare can be helpful. I’m sorry you guys are going through this. I wouldn’t wish chronic illness on anyone.

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