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How often would you be able to see him?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

ear Prudence,

I have had a sometimes turbulent, sometimes apathetic relationship with my older sister practically our entire lives. She has always tended to play the victim no matter the truth of the situation. Without going into specifics (and I could give a LOT of specifics!), I believe she is a narcissist. She has a 10-year-old son, “Kevin,” and it has always been apparent she is not happy being a mother. A few years back she cut off the family, starting with me—and it has been peaceful and wonderful! However, I have always worried about Kevin. Recently she started letting my mom see Kevin again, and I was able to see him as well—and what I saw was very concerning.

It is obvious he is unhappy and doesn’t understand why he can’t see the family. He does not have a happy (but not unsafe) home life with my sister, or with his father. Do I suck it up and apologize to my sister for a multitude of perceived wrongs that I do not agree with, for the sake of being able to see Kevin more? He’s a really sweet kid, and my heart breaks for him. But the thought of apologizing to her turns my stomach, and I’m not sure I can physically do it!

—Aunt in Agony

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Re: How often would you be able to see him?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Can you engage with the nephew and keep your sister at arm's length? 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is my SIL. She's generally awful and cuts off the whole family for months or years at any perceived slight. She uses the threat of cutting off her kid as a weapon to manipulate everyone. H quit putting up with it. We feel sorry for the kid, but she's not dumb and childhood is short. She knows who her mother is. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MyNameIsNot said:
    This is my SIL. She's generally awful and cuts off the whole family for months or years at any perceived slight. She uses the threat of cutting off her kid as a weapon to manipulate everyone. H quit putting up with it. We feel sorry for the kid, but she's not dumb and childhood is short. She knows who her mother is. 
    On the flip side of that - if I could be the adult that the kid knew cared enough about them to put up with the BS, in order to be there for them whenever possible during their short but formative childhood, that's the sort of thing they would remember forever.

    Not to say that's what your H should have done - sometimes you just can't deal with it, and there may be very little the parent actually lets you do with the child for the cost - but it could be part of a helpful metric for LW.
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