Dear Prudence,
I am lucky enough to work with three of my amazing friends. We often travel together and have been able to have some really memorable adventures. We have a huge trip planned for three months across East Asia, which has been booked and paid for, and took almost a year and a half to plan. It will include us working on some days while abroad. This schedule has been meticulously planned by us, and our managers have signed off on it since we are not missing any big deadlines or meetings.
Friend A and I have spouses, and friends B and C are engaged. All of our partners travel for work and by some miracle, we have been able to work it out so that they will be able to meet up with us for roughly 10 days of each month we are away.
The problem lies in C’s wedding planning. She has decided she must get married at the start of the third month we are away. She wants us to start cancelling things and eat the costs of non-refundable deposits and, in some cases, full payments. This has now affected our friendship. We and our partners have tried discussing things, but ultimately, it devolves into the start of an argument, and I leave. A, B, and I have no intention of going to the wedding or even attempting to salvage the friendship anymore. A and B feel we owe it to ourselves and C to have one more conversation to try and at least end on “agreeing to disagree” terms. I don’t care anymore. I have been biting my tongue and not saying what I want for a long time now. I know I can be downright evil and can say cutting things. This is why I choose to walk away from arguments. Do I just go with them one more time and hope I can bite my tongue, or let them know I really don’t think I can this time?
—Ticking Time Bomb