this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Woes

Tell him exactly that

Dear Prudence,

My youngest sibling (of eight total) is 18 years younger than me (a late-in-life surprise to our parents). He spent several years as the only child at home while we were out in college and building lives, but we tried to maintain relationships and give older sibling advice as needed. We’d host him at our homes, visit him often, make trips to visit, and text/email/call frequently. My parents had considerably more resources when he was a teenager, so he was materially better off than any of us were as teenagers. Being an “only” child left him with a huge sense of entitlement. He married a woman we all hated, but we were supportive. Now they are getting divorced after years of drama, and he’s blaming us for not, in his words, “making an effort.” What’s a polite way to say, “Hey, bro—shove it! But we’re still here.”

—He’s Nine Years Older than my Oldest Kid

Re: Tell him exactly that

  • Tell him that. Tell him you’re there for him but his divorce is not your fault. 
  • I know this is a random story that's only tangentially related to this letter, but I've always found it interesting and striking how different the music stylings of Loretta Lynn and Crystal Gayle are.

    They are sisters from a family that also had 8 children.  But Loretta is the oldest daughter (2nd oldest child) and Crystal is the youngest.  They're 18 years apart.  

    Loretta's childhood was much harsher than Crystal's.  The stereotype of "KY family in a coal mining town, lots of kids in a small house, abject poverty".

    Loretta was parentified and at only 15, married some POS guy she'd only known for a month.  That's how desperate she was to leave the miserable situation she was in.  They moved to WA state where she started her musical career.

    By the time Crystal was growing up, Loretta was already making a name for herself and sending money back home.

    She wrote her own songs and many of them are autobiographical.  They are often honky tonk and with themes of "hard times" and "my man done me wrong".  Whereas Crystal Gayle has one of the gentlest voices I have ever heard.  Don't get me wrong, they're both country music legends.  I like both of their music styles and their voices, but find them to be almost opposite feels.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Tell him that while you are sorry his marriage didn't work out and are here for him, he is an adult who has to own his choices. Holding you responsible for his failed marriage is ridiculous - and let's face it, would he have listened if you all had voiced your concerns about this woman at the time?
    image
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW’s suggested line at the end is fine, or any version of “that’s false, but I’m here if you need”.

    ExH felt it was everyone’s fault when we got divorced. Me, of course, but also our kids, my family, his family, his friends, his boss, his coworkers, the pandemic, etc etc. Some people play the blame game instead of looking inside. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards