Dear Prudence,
Since my switch from a nonprofit to the private sector in January, I went from making slightly more than my boyfriend to solidly out-earning him. He’s being so weird about it. On paper, he’s a modern guy who votes for Democrats and supports women, but since I started earning significantly more, he’s been making weird, backhanded comments about how I’m being a “big spender” and my career being “more important than our relationship.” But things haven’t really changed!
I do the same job, just for a different place. I don’t work longer hours, and I have less work stress than I did trying to hold my role together on a nonprofit budget. We adjusted the proportions we pay of shared expenses, but outside of that, I don’t spend more. I’ve been putting 20 percent of my “raise” into a rainy day fund since I didn’t have one, and the rest into savings for an eventual down payment. I feel like I’m just more stable now, and happy that I won’t be wiped out by a rogue emergency. But the comments keep coming, and even when I told him it hurt my feelings, he only stopped for a few weeks. Is there anything else I can do?
—Breadwinner, Emotional Loser